The Ex Files

The Hard Thing

"Relax, Mom. I'm not in trouble, I don't want to borrow money, and I know where I'm sleeping tonight. I have the afternoon off, so I decided to come for a visit." Patrick grinned. "Meet the new me. Game-free for ... I don't know exactly. It seems like just a few days, and at the same time, it's forever."

"Does your father know where you are?"

"Yes. As a matter of fact, he suggested it."

Eleanor held out her arms. "Trespassers will be hugged."

Despite her best efforts to keep the atmosphere light, she felt tears run down her cheeks as she held her son, rocking gently back and forth. She had dreamed of this moment all the time he was away, and now she was completely overwhelmed by the  joy of reunion, and apprehension that the good times would not last.

When they separated, Patrick's eyes were misty as well. "It's okay, Mom. I'm not going anywhere this time. No matter what, you'll always be my Mom."

They settled in the living room with diet cokes (no chips, because there were none in the house) and discovered that they had a lot to talk about. Patrick had made friends at camp and had signed up for the one-week Encore Refresher in August. He had found a support group, Misfits Unlimited, with a diverse membership of people who had not thrived in more conventional groups. Instead of rules, regulations, or steps, they agreed on guidelines, and reviewed them once a month. He was going to continue to work with his Uncle Stan until he figured out what he wanted to do with his life. He liked Stan, who was not as vigorous as he used to be, and enjoyed the challenges of outdoor labour. "Stan maintains the machinery and does most of the driving, and I do the bending, stretching, and heavy lifting. I'm tired when I get home at night, and generally fall asleep by ten."

Eleanor told him about her new job, and what a difference that had made to her quality of life. "I thought it was the end of the world when I got fired, but it turned out better than I could ever have imagined."

"You got fired! Why?"

Eleanor was taken aback. She had taken for granted that Susan would have been delighted to tell him what a loser his mother was. She now had the opportunity to create any scenario she wished. After wrestling with herself for a few seconds, she decided that the truth was the best strategy. Patrick might be disappointed in her now, but he would more hurt if he found out the truth later.

"I lied to Carl once too often and he caught me." She could feel heat in her face, and knew that her skin was blotchy. She waited for Patrick to respond, but he said nothing. "He told me never to set foot in his shop again. But I went back and apologized after he had time to cool down. So now I can take you there for coffee and pastries if you like."

"Well, that's a relief! I would hate to be banned from Coffee Plus. Their raspberry scones are the best."

Patrick was giving her the opportunity to change the subject, but she decided to wade a little deeper. "I've lied a lot in my life, because it seemed easier."

Patrick didn't seem surprised or shocked.  He took a few moments to process what she had said.  When he finally spoke, his voice was pregnant with meaning.  "Me too." 

"I want to fix that, but it's not an easy habit to break," Eleanor said.  "If you catch me, call me on it."

"Deal. Same here."

"Does that mean we're a support group now?"

"Could be. I have a couple of heavy things on my mind."

Eleanor's stomach twinged. "Shoot."