The Ex Files

The Naked Elephant

  

"Wha -- what are you doing here?"

"Close the damn curtain and hand me a towel!" Patrick yelled.

Eleanor had been half-asleep when she opened the door to her bathroom and discovered that it was full of steam. A pair of jeans and underwear, too grungy to be Hal's, were lying on the bath mat beside the tub, and the shower was going full blast. She had pulled the curtain back automatically, and was greeted by a faceful of warm water and the unwelcome spectacle of her naked son.

She yanked the curtain closed. She needed to pee desperately, but that would have to wait. She put down the lid of the toilet and sat on it because her legs refused to hold her up.

The water stopped running, and a hand emerged from behind the curtain. "The towel, please!"

She grabbed the bath towel from rack, handed it over, and sprinted upstairs to Kelly's bathroom, blessing her for leaving for work at the ungodly hour of six.

When she returned to her bathroom, Patrick and his clothes were gone. She could have written the whole thing off as a nightmare, except for the damp towel lying on the floor.

Sighing, she picked it up and hung it on the rack. She should go downstairs immediately to confront the situation, but she went to the kitchen instead and started making coffee. Not instant this time. Fine-ground expresso beans filtered through the pour-over. No point rushing things.

How did Patrick manage to get in? I didn't hear a thing. Could Hal have let him in?

While the water was dripping through the coffee, she tried to review The Plan, but her brain was a complete blank.

My son came back ... the very next day, my son came back, just like the cat in the song. And I have to figure out how to get him out of here before he hits me too.

At least Hal is here. He's probably still asleep and massively hung over, but he'll intervene if things get too intense. Or will he?

Maybe I should just call the police and get it over with before everything gets completely out of hand.

She picked up her phone, selected the phone icon, and punched 9. Then 1, and another 1. One more tap, and it would be all over.

Or would it? What would she tell the operator?

My son was in the bathroom taking a shower without my permission.

Not clear and forceful enough.

There is an intruder in my basement.

But what if there was a perfectly logical explanation? What if he ran into Hal somewhere, and Hal asked him to stay over, not realizing the situation?

I need back-up for a parenting crisis. My nineteen-year-old son hit his aunt, and now he is here and I'm afraid he's going to hit me.

She deleted the numbers. 911 was be her last resort. First, she had to assess the situation.

Coffee is ready. Smells great. Better drink it before it gets cold.

If I sit here long enough, the situation may resolve itself. Maybe Hal will come up and explain what's going on, or Patrick will tell me that he just stopped in for a shower before he moving on to – where? The employment office? The homeless shelter? Macdonald's? Provided Hal lends him some money. The Plan says I can't. But Hal never lent me money, no matter how desperate I was, and he might not have any. Unless he was lying about not having enough to pay me the full amount for first, last and damage. But he would hold some back, wouldn't he, just for emergencies?