L.O.V. Shit (+ Hawks) Crackfics

Lifesaving Marble

"Stay the fuck out of my room!" Dabi yelled. He pressed his back against the door, trying his best to shut Toga out as she twisted and turned the handle frantically.

"Pleeeaase Dabi, just a bit! It won't hurt!"

"No! Fuck off!"

"They're like an angry boyfriend and girlfriend," Spinner remarked, who was watching them both.

Hawks rolled his eyes and looked away, jealous, while Shigaraki spluttered.

"Boyfriend and girlfriend? More like brother and sister!"

Toga pressed her shoulder against the door, managing to open it just the slightest bit so that she could stick her shoe in the gap, then gradually widen it to wriggle into the room.

Since Dabi was still trying trying to close the door, when Toga fully got inside, the door slammed shut quite suddenly.

Muffled screaming - from both people - could be heard, until the door was wrenched open and Dabi whizzed passed everyone into the next room.

"COMPRESS! She won't leave me alone!" he complained to the man, who was having a conversation with Twice in the bar.

"Who? Toga? I don't see her anywhere."

Then Dabi felt something tug at his pants and looked down to see Toga, crawled out from behind the bar table, trying to cut through the fabric of his trousers.

He yelled.

Luckily Hawks entered at that moment to see what all the commotion was about, and to make sure there was absolutely no romantic behaviour going on between the two, so was able to catch Dabi as the scarred man leapt into his arms.

"Erm-" Hawks began.

Dabi looked up at him rather awkwardly, and the hero slowly let the scarred man back onto his feet again.

"So that was interesting...and, damn, since when were you a soprano?"

"Be quiet, ya birdbrain," Dabi hushed.

Hawks was about to say something else, when he suddenly tensed, red colouring his cheeks.

Dabi stared at him. "You okay?"

Hawks didn't have to reply, for for they all could hear the answer to the question.

"Hehe, what lovely feathers on such a pretty bird~"

Hawks spun around, gritting his teeth at the girl.
"You little brat! Come here!"

Toga ran.

Hawks ran.

Dabi sprinted after them.

Straight ahead, an open window was her escape, and Toga jumped, feet first, slipping through easily.

Hawks was not so lucky.

It was like a cartoon - he jumped after Toga and almost got her, but was stopped abruptly by the window frame preventing him from going any further, and a cough was forced from him as the air was yanked from his lungs.

After him was Dabi, who knocked into and bounced right off his ass.

He fell to the wooden floor passed out, with a nosebleed, the pervert.

Lmao.

Anyway, the hero shook his fist (much like Shigaraki at the pool, if ya have read that one), and glared at the girl who was now giggling to herself while running to the bushes to get away. She found the whole thing quite amusing.

"Fuck! I'm going to find her if it's the last thing I do!" Hawks stated angrily, kicking his legs about.

Dabi recovered, wiping his nose, and eyed Hawks's ass. "Yaknow," he said."This would be the perfect time to fuck."

"You better not fuck me while I'm like this."

"You better not end up like Shigaraki in the donut ring."

Hawks huffed, pouting.

It wasn't long before Dabi gathered the League to help get him out. It was difficult because of his huge ass wings.

"What are we gonna do?" Shigaraki asked. "Maybe we should steal that kid from U.A with the cum quirk and let him slide out."

"Shigaraki, what the fuck? It's not cum," Dabi scorned, like Shiggy was a complete idiot. Which he was, sometimes. "It's slime."

"Actually, it's acid-" Spinner began, but being the least important member of the group, was ignored.

The League remained squabbling about the girl, somehow beginning to fight about whether she was a double-horned unicorn or a dolphin (don't ask), but then a shout from Hawks made them stop.

"Oh- oh fuck, no!" the bird yelled, his voice becoming frantic.

"What? What is it? What do you see?!" Dabi asked, almost as frantic with the tension.

Hawks stammered, sounding a lot like y/n. "I-It's her. A-and she's coming right for me!"

Knowing this, all the League broke into a wild panic, running around the place and knocking into each other.

"You fucking idiots! We gotta get Hawks out! We gotta-" Dabi glanced at the window only to do a double take.

Hawks wasn't there.

"He's been stolen! Look! Toga took her into her lair!"

"Actually I'm right here," Hawks said, tapping Dabi's shoulder from behind. Dabi looked at him. "The fear helped me get out. But anyway, keep panicking."

So Shigaraki rolled on the floor with his hands on his head, Twice curled up into a little ball, Spinner pretended to be stabbed in the heart or some overly dramatic shit, Dabi was having a panic attack on his knees, and Hawks was on his back, clutching his neck and gasping for air.

They all kept panicking, until they realized...
nothing was happening.

No Toga was to be seen, and it was suddenly very, very quiet.

The window was closed.

"And I didn't close it!" Hawks said, breaking the fourth wall just a little bit.

Then they heard light, merry footsteps behind them.

Shigaraki was shaking, his eyes widened into a crazed psychopathic look as he turned to face the beast. (yes, the bEAST)

Toga smiled at them all sweetly, but one could not miss the mischievous glint in her ochre eyes.

"Boo!"

Everyone jumped.

Something was thrown at her, and then she was suddenly gone.

A marble dropped to the floor.

Compress, who was on his knees and sweating behind his mask, sighed heavily, dipping his head.

"That'll do it," he said, taking a deep breath.

He looked up. "We're free."