L.O.V. Shit (+ Hawks) Crackfics

In Heat

Dabi stepped into the bar, sighing. He ran a hand through his hair and sat down on a barstool next to his boss.

"Still not feeling well?" Shigaraki asked.

"Yup. I just don't know what's wrong. It's a lovely spring day and he's stayed in bed all afternoon!"

"I mean," Shigaraki paused when Dabi drank his beverage. "He did look pretty hot when you told me to come."

"Don't you try to hit on my boyfrie- bird!"

"I meant as in sick. Like a fever, dumbass. I would never hit on that idiot of a man. Such a meek little thing".

Dabi snorted, then covered his mouth with a hand. "Are you calling yourself a dom?"

"Yes. Though I'm still a virgin-"

"And a crusty one at that."

"-I suppose I do see myself as the dominating one in bed."

Dabi suddenly burst out laughing, throwing his head back and slapping his scarred hand on the bar counter.

"What?" Shigaraki hissed. "Why is that funny?"

"It's just-" Dabi wiped a bloody tear, grinning. "You. A dom? No way."

Shigaraki stood, snapping his fingers. "Right then. On your hands and knees."

That made Dabi shut up.

The villan left the bar and went back to the room, then a minute later everyone still in the bar heard an odd exclamation.

Dabi burst back into the bar.

"Guys! Come quick!"

Shigaraki, Twice and Toga all joined him in the bedroom, and they watched - some with horror, some without - Hawks on the bed.

Before, he had simply been sent to the bed with a stomach ache of some sort, but now he was bright red in the face and sweating. He could barely move to see who had entered the room to see him.

Shigaraki stepped forward and placed the back of his hand on the hero's forehead, being watched by Dabi who was eyeing him cautiously to make sure he didn't disintegrate his bird.

"I knew it," Shiggy said, raising an eyebrow. "It's a fever. And it's getting worse."

Toga, who had pink dusting her cheeks at the sight of Hawks suffering, smiled.

"I think he just needs a little bit of blood - then he'll look better."

"Toga, we're trying to make him feel better, not dress him for a vampire's fashion show."

Toga didn't reply for the moment, then suddenly screeched when Hawks began to speak.

"Look, he's trying to say something!"

Hawks, very WeAkLy, opened his mouth, and saID-

"I need...D...Da-"

But Dabi, of course, had to interrupt. "What? A doctor? Oh shit someone call a doctor quick!"

Shigaraki looked at Dabi like he was a madman, but got out his tiny phone and began to call a certain fat guy.

It wasn't long before fat old Ujiko came over. Yaknow, the dude whose kinda sus with the weird goggles and works behinds the scenes most of the time. Not to mention fat. Damn I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone.

After a few minutes of silence with Ujiko prodding and poking Hawks with tools and other things (gosh that sounds wrong) he turned to face the people waiting.