She won't speak

Trying to gain her trust

All during the nights I'd toss and I'd turn, having nightmares or flashbacks. All the bad things that had been said about me, or my parents dying, or Justin and Phoebe leaving me with Justin, and mostly of Tyler getting drunk torturing me, abusing me, spiking my drink, or making me choke on pills to make me do what he wanted, the screaming and crying the rape, the suffering.

Finally escaping, yet knowing I wouldn't be able to get away with it. I knew he'd wake up, track me down and find me. Possibly try to kill me, but only if we were alone. The boys were learning sign from my sister, who was still very worried about me, and for me. She was the only person I trusted. As of right now, but I really wanted to be able to trust Justin again, he was my BFF.

There was no way however I could ever tell him what Tyler did to me, mostly because either he'd get me killed if Tyler knew I told anyone, or thought that I was lying because he could most likely trust Tyler as his brother instead of his best friend. I yelled out in my sleep. Signing hard core, instead of talking in my sleep.

I probably kept people up all night. I felt guilty. Farrah wake up sweetheart, wake up sis, you're ok. I'm here, I'm here. "Keep him away from me!" I cried. "Farrah look at me he's never gonna hurt you again, I won't him, as long as I'm here next to you, I promise no one especially Tyler will ever hurt you ever again." I nodded my head.

"I'm sorry sis, I keep waking up in the middle of the night screaming at the top of my lungs scared, I'm sure everyone's tired of me." "Oh Farrah, no." Its ok, everything is ok, its not your fault. Justin, "go get her some water." "What will that help?" "No!" If anyone's getting me anything, it has to be you!" Farrah you're gonna have to learn to trust Justin again. He's your BFF.

"Please, I just need time to trust people at all again, especially Justin." Why me, what did I do? Justin I told you its not what you its your kind. "Farrah, I promise that I will never, ever hurt you. You can trust me." "No. Not yet." Well sorry I tried. He leaned into me, tried to hug me. "Stop!" I'm not gonna hurt you, "I just wanted to try to hug you." "Stay back!"

"I'm sorry, Justin, I want to trust you, I do, but I can't right now, and you'll understand why someday." "I promise." Fine I'll get what I can get, but Farrah, I miss you, I miss your smile, your laugh, your voice, everything. You're my BFF. We used to be able to tell each other everything. "I'm sorry Justin."

Its not your fault. I promise I will kick whose ever ass hurt you. They won't hurt you again if I have something to say about it. Some days were better than other's I started to trust a couple of the guys, like Cody. I wanted to trust Justin, but with his brother being the one that hurt me so badly, IDK.

Justin was heartbroken that I didn't want anything to do with him, but he understood. IDK what he understood, or why or how, but he totally got and took no offense to it once so ever. I still never used my voice or smiled or laughed. I was hesitant on the trust with even Cody. It was probably easier for me to trust Cody first because we didn't have some form of bad history. Justin and I didn't have personal bad history, just with his family.

Somewhere else, Tyler was planning revenge, he was gonna take me down, and get everyone I trusted right now out of the way. So that meant my sister. His plan as of right now was frame my sister for what I did to him. Actually in a matter of weeks Justin planed on picking Tyler up. He told Justin he wanted to meet them some place and come join us on tour that he wanted to apologize to me about the "fight" we had before I left.

I was like so dead. Justin you can't let Tyler onto the bus! Phoebe told him. Why not? He's my brother, he says he wants to apologize to Farrah for the fight they got into. I jumped at the sound of all the fighting and shouting and rang the bell. The bell I had to let them know to pay attention to me. They jumped looking at me, letting out a sad *sigh*.

I wanted to trust Justin again, but he was about to do something that was just gonna make it harder on me to trust him. If Tyler knew we had Cody and how I trusted him, he was gonna figure out away to get rid of him too, so that I was left with only the Justin and himself. The person I didn't know if I could trust, and the one one made me this way after all the pain he caused me.

Right now his gain for trust wasn't working out so far. My sister was annoyed with Justin, she didn't want Tyler on the bus as much as I did, because I "told" her what he did to me, we both were gonna end up paying the price. Justin thought we were just being silly thinking the only reason that we didn't want him here was because that we got into a fight.

As much as I didn't want him here I had my own plan, that I "told" my sister about I knew he wouldn't make a scene or hurt me if other people were around, which meant my sister had to pretend she didn't know anything that I "told" her about to keep me safe. I guess that means we have to figure out how things go on our next chapter. Is almost 3 in the am here where I am, so goodnight, for now. I don't have the motivation to continue for now so goodnight.