She won't speak

In the middle of starting over

My sister was in bed with me, her arms wrapped around me, as I slept. No nightmares came, that was good, also the first in a long time. She looks so peaceful. A voice said. Phoebe jumped. Justin, what are you doing up so early? She asked him. It's just past noon Phoebe. He told her, a concerned look on his face.

No, no, it can't be it's only.... Oh no, G-D it is noon already. Thank you Justin. What do you need? From you? Nothing, it's from Farrah I need from. Justin, she whined rubbing the bridge of her nose. I know, I know, I'm not going to lose my head. I just can't stop worrying about her, I need her to be better.

I know you do, we all do. She said sweeping back my hair to kiss my forehead. I shivered, but I wasn't cold. She frowned. She leaned down to my ear, to whisper in it to wake up. Wake up. She whispered. Farrah? She said in sing songy voice. And I began to stir awake. "Good morning" I signed.

It's noon little sister. "It's morning to me." I yawned. She pulled me up right. She wrapped her arms around me to hug me. I buried my face into her chest, hugging her back, like I was a small child. She pulled me onto her lap, and rocked me gently. I'd wrapped my arms around her neck. You're ok, you're ok. Everything's fine now little one.

What do you want to do today? "Brownies?" I signed. She giggled. Ok, ok. Go get set up. Justin.... Um.... Farrah? "Yes?" Can Justin play with us? I turned around, and nodded. Motioning him to follow me. Ok, coming. "Go, get bell, please." Ok kiddo. He went into the room to go get it. I went to go set up.

Need something? Bell? Here. Thanks. No problem. Are you coming? I'll be there in a sec. K. "Where's Phoebe?" Coming kiddo, but for now, I'll help you set up. "Ok." So that's what we did. We were having fun too. The first part was like an assembly line. Then, when we washed our hands, he playfully splashed me with the water, and I smiled at him. Then I took out the flour, putting some on my nose and then his own.

That's the best and only way to bake food, with flour on your nose. I turned the music up on my phone, since things always go faster with music. We had everything we needed. We opened the mix, and I carefully poured it in. We each cracked two eggs. He poured in the oil, and I used chocolate sauce instead of water, because I'll be honest it's just better that way. We took turns mixing it all in.

Then Cody walked by, and I rung the bell. He stopped and came back to the kitchen. "Come help us?" Sure. What did you need me to help do? Well I mean, all we have to do now is put it in the oven and set the timer. Justin told him. Well, then that means, we can just hang out and I can keep you guys company. If that's ok with you Farrah. I nodded my head.

We sat in the living room, and I listened to the guys talk. Eventually Phoebe came and joined us. How did things go? She asked putting me on her lap. Even though I wasn't a small child, I didn't mind being treated like one. She played with my hair, which I liked, and she held me close in her arms, as if, if she let me go she was afraid that something bad would happen to me.

Then she texted me. "Why did you do that?" You'll see just look at it. And I did.... Her: So, did you and Justin have a fun time? Cody too? Me: Yeah, we did. I texted her back. "Do you trust him yet?" She signed to me. "Why are you signing, they can read it?" I signed back. "But no, not yet, I need to trust guys period first." "That's too bad, I really want you to trust me." Justin signed back. "Same." Cody signed after him. "Phoebe?!" I signed at her in annoyance.

That's why. I wanted them to be able to, so that they could voice their opinions. The guys really care about, and I know neither of them would ever think about hurting you. Justin is your best friend, you used to be closer together than we ever were, and now, now you don't trust him at all. But we know it's not you're fault, it's Tyler's but sweetie he's gone now.

"I know." "But even if and when I will trust you again, both of you, that it won't matter much, because I'm still on mute for now." We know and we understand, but any progress we make with you will make all the difference to us. Even if you won't talk to me, just knowing that I'd have your trust would be worth the wait.

Let's all just start over. "I'd like that, no Tyler, no problems." That's the truth. "No pain!" Never again little sister, never again. He's gone forever. "Promise?" I promise. "Pinky swear?" Pinky swear! It's like having our own little child. Well, we've both known her for that long. If only our parents really were still alive, they could've kept her safe.

None of this probably would've even happened, if they never died. Let's not think about the past, it's the future that matters girls, we remember the past so that it doesn't happen again, but let's never dwell on it, or we'll be stuck there forever. And being stuck in memory lane isn't a good thing.

Yeah. Justin's thoughts: I say that, but what if things were different, what if I'd just asked Farrah out instead of Phoebe in the first place. She'd never had been with Tyler, and Phoebe is one of the strongest girls that I know. She can take care of herself. I could've stopped this all from happening, if only I'd been the one that was going out with her, and I will be in the end. I'll make sure nothing bad happens to her ever again, even if it kills me.