She won't speak

Speak to me

It took longer than we wanted it to take, but everyone understood, and now that I know that Tyler can't hurt me, and that I've slowly started to trust them all again. I'm not sure I fully trust Justin, even if I want to, maybe I do now and I won't admit it to myself, or Justin or anyone else. It's hard not being able to speak to or even for that matter trust your BFF. He's still my BFF even though from this that we would've drifted away, but being here in the situation that I'd been in for what seems like forever now, he still stood by me, no matter what.

I want nothing more than to speak to my friends and my sister. To speak to my BFF. Tyler is gone, I've healed, mostly anyways the wounds are gone but the scars will always still be there, and we need to all remember to approach the convo carefully if at all. I'm not sure I ever want to talk about it or think about it ever again, but I know that they will. that they'll all probably have plenty of questions. And I can't live in fear of Tyler anymore, because he's not coming back. For real this time.

The last few months since Tyler got arrested again have mostly been a blur, because it's mainly just been me healing. It will be weird hearing my voice again after so many months of not using it. We'd made so much progress the first time, but then I'd shut back down again once Tyler came back. I don't want to talk about Tyler anymore, I want to move forward with my life. And in order to do that I'll have to make actual sound come out of my mouth, to talk to them again, not just a whisper, but actual speaking, and trusting them.

And if I'm gonna speak, I might as well sing. Something I've been also wanting to do again for a long time now. G-D I miss singing. So I did. I picked a song that was exactly how I was feeling. 

when people heard music, they came into the studio room, and listened to me sing. When I was finished.... I turned up the mic volume smiling a big happy smile. Hey guys what's up? Guess who's back?!

I rushed into the audience part of the studio and hugged everybody. It's so nice to hear your voice again. You have no idea how crazy we've been all going wanting to hear it. That was amazing Justin said giving me the biggest hug I've probably ever seen as he wrapped his arms around me and mine were around his neck, we were so close together that all he would've had to do was pull me in closer then I already had been and kiss me, but baby steps.

It is so good to hear your voice again. You already said that I laughed. That's a beautiful noise. Yeah it's been a long time. I can't even remember the last time I think I heard you laugh or saw you smile. Me either. Hey are you two gonna just stand there all day making goo, goo eyes at each other or are we gonna celebrate? My sister asked me. Phoebe, I giggled rolling my eyes. You always did give Justin and I a hard time.

Now that we know your voice works, let's not over use it. Ok, ok. No way, let her speak, do you know how long I've waited and gone crazy for too long just to hear her speak? Oh Justy don't be such a baby. I teased. Now that you can speak again, or will speak again I should say. How about your progress on trust? Baby steps. Let's take the progress one step at a time.