Do You Know Me?

20

Mrs. Robane was someone who Claude cared for alot. She was someone who was a constant in his earlier life.

His mother figure.

His own mother did not care for him. She only wanted him to get the throne. Always reminding him about his supposed 'duty'. That he was ment to succeed the throne. She never once acknowledged his efforts. Always forcing him do more.

And then she died. Her last words telling him that she'll watch over him and that she hope she wouldn't be disappointed.

He hated her.

Mrs. Robane was his constant. She did expect something of him. It was natural to do so. But he remembered that around her, he was allowed to be a child.

As years passed by, he always kept her at arms length. Trying to show that he was better off alone. He knew that she left thinking he didn't care about her anymore.

But that was wrong.

He pushed her away because he knew that she was his weakness. That if that wretched empress knew, she would use her to make him submit. And he cannot have that.

No matter what.

He was devastated when she died. An accident. Her carriage, robbed by bandits.

But he refused to cry. He wouldn't cry no matter what. Because crying makes you weak. And he cannot afford to be weak.

The second he shows weakness, they will devourer him.

So he did not cry. He pressed on. He fought. He gained a trusted ally in Felix. He killed his own brother. And he won. He was emperor. A cold and terrifying one.

Then there wasn't as much danger anymore.

And yet, he couldn't show weakness. Always staying on guard. Never revealing his thoughts. Always pressurized to make the right desisions. That same, boring life.

That was until he met her.

It was her, who lit up his days. Showed him how to be free. How to be without his title. To smile and laugh.

To live.

And then she left. And she took his live with her. He didn't understand how she could give her life for someone she didn't know. Claude couldn't do that. He would never give up his life for a stranger.

Because living is the best.(someone please get this)

But she did. Diana lost her life for their child. He didn't know that child, so he didn't love her. For him, that child was the one who took her away from him. Took his life away from him and left him stranded alone.

It hurt much more then when Mrs. Robane died. Because this was a decision Diana took herself. Mrs. Robane died on accident while Diana chose to leave him.

And he hated it. He chose to trust someone, and ended up getting betrayed.

He trusted his mother. Betrayed.

Trusted his father. Betrayed.

Trusted his brother. Betrayed.

Trusted his betrothed. Betrayed.

Trusted his nanny, was left alone.

And finally, trusted his lover, betrayed.

Constant betrayal manifested his abandonment issues. He didn't want anyone close to him. Keeping everything at arms length. Even Felix.

He took in that child that claimed to be his daughter because his headaches reduced. He did not like her and wanted her to leave now that he didn't have any need of her. But kept her due to formalities.

And his child. The child he forgot about. The child his Diana gave her life for came calmly into her life. Wanting to leave.

He didn't know why that hurt. That someone he didn't know well enough leaving, hurt.

He made her stay, originally out of curiosity. He didn't know anything about her and he was curious.

But gradually, she became his constant. She helped him regain his locked memories. And he wanted. He wanted to protect the child his beloved loved so much. If that would make Diana happy, he would do it.

He grew to love the child. His beloved daughter Athanasia. His smart and graceful daughter. His daughter who hid her mischievous nature with beautiful smiles.

But he was afraid. Afraid that she would take after him. That she would shun the world like he did. That she would grow up life he did.

He was angry at himself for leaving her alone for years. For not watching her grow up.

For not being there for her.

In the middle of the night, he went to her. Begging for punishment. When she said she forgave him, he said that he didn't deserve her forgiveness. He vowed then and there.

He would do anything for his daughter's happiness.

Even if it cost him his life.

If she wanted him out of her life, he would leave. If she wanted him to stay, he would stay.

She was his world. His everything. She was his and Diana's child. And he would love her.

________

Hey! I know it's supposed to be valentine's day today but here- take some angst.

This was a chapter with Claude's thoughts.

I originally wanted to just make a scene with Claude and his nanny but my mind spiralled while writing. Hehe.

I hope you like this update.