80s Band Imagines

💚Saul/Slash #3- I'll Always Love You

Fluff, Heartache

🎸

I knew something was wrong when I woke up. I had this awful feeling all day, like in the pit of my stomach. When I went to the restroom and there was nothing but red, I knew.

I had miscarried. Again. 

I was capable of carrying a child. I was fertile, all of the parts were there, but I could never last a month. It made exactly 30 days today, and my baby was gone. This one made three inside a year. But this time I chose not to tell Saul. I couldn't give him any more false hope. 

I couldn't hurt him anymore.

But this was something I couldn't keep going through. Hoping to finally have a baby; then it gets ripped away from me with the snap of fingers. 

It isn't fair.

I had to tell him. I couldn't keep something like this from him. He didn't deserve that. 

I dreaded when he would come home and open the door. I really did. But I couldn't keep hiding it. So, when the door opened and Saul called for me, my breath hitched and caught in my throat.

I stayed where I was on the edge of my bed. I couldn't move. I was stuck. I knew what I would tell him would break him. It was breaking me just as much.

"Babe? Babe? You home?"
I heard him call from downstairs and I knew I had to respond.

"Upstairs."
I replied just loud enough for him to hear.

I heard his footsteps make their way up the stairs, and my eyes welled with tears. Soon enough, I was sobbing into my hands. He hadn't even gotten to the door yet.

"Hey, ba- what's the matter? Babe?"
He asked, tone full of concern.

He sat next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulder bringing me to him. I sobbed into his chest, and he rested his chin on my head.

"You lost her, didn't you?"
He asked, words full of sorrow.

He knew.

"I'm so sorry, Saul."
I sobbed out.

"I know, June. It's not your fault."
He said stroking my hair.

"But it is Saul. I can't give you what you want. I know you want a family, and I can't give that to you. I try baby, I promise I do. I just don't know what to do anymore."

"I know you want a family too, Bug. Maybe it just isn't time. We can keep trying and see if it comes naturally. I can wait."

"But you shouldn't have to wait because I'm defective."
I sobbed.

"Hey, hey look at me."
He said moving in front of me, sitting on his legs. 
He took my face in his palms, his brown eyes looking into my blue ones.
"You're not defective. There's nothing wrong with you. You're not broken. I love you Bug; can't you see that? I don't care if we have a baby, as long as I get to be with you. You remember what I promised you the day we got married?"

"That you'd always love me."
I stuttered out.

"I promised you I'd love you forever. And I will. Whether we have a baby, or five, or we don't have any at all. I'll always love you."

"I'll always love you too Saul. I just feel like I'm failing you. We should've had a baby already, but I can't give you one."

"But there's nothing you can do about it, babe. You're not failing anyone, you're not a failure. You're perfect. And you'll make a perfect mom when the time comes. It's just not time. And that's okay; everything's gonna be okay. You'll be okay."

"Thank you, Saul. I just wish we could have a baby."
I sighed, my tears finally running out, just small sniffles.

"I know you do babe. I do too, but it'll work itself out. C'mon, how about a bath?"

I nodded and we made our way to the bathroom, he turned the water on, making it the perfect temperature.
Saul smiled softly and pulled my shirt over my head and let it fall to the floor. His hands slowly made their way to the buttons on my jeans, and I smiled up at him.

"I think I know how to undress, Saul."
I giggled quietly.

"Yea, but I just do it so much better."
He laughed.

Once we were both undressed and comfortable in the water, Saul placed his head on my shoulder and began kissing and sucking softly at my neck.

"Saul."
I laughed, pushing his head away,

"I've always loved the way you say my name."
He grinned.

"You're a dork babe."
I laughed.

"But I'm your dork."

"And that'll never change baby. You'll always be my dork."
I smiled, looking back at him.

"You know I love you right?"

"'Course I do."

"You promise you'll always love me?"

"I'll always love you, Saul. I promise."