A Deep Dive Into My Teenage Mind (From The Vault)

Put Me Through Hell

I walked through the door 

My eyes were bright 

Something about my future 

Just felt right 

And I left it all there 

Right where 

You stand now 

As I take a bow 

And we start to talk about 

The rules and expectations 

I didn't know this house was full of facade 

And manipulation 

When we were in the car for the first time 

Back when my poems used to rhyme 

Who knew that happiness was such a crime 

I told you that I tried 

But all I could do was break down 

So I never told you that I cried 

Because I know better than that 

And that put me 

It put me through Hell 

But here we are again 

Drinking coffee in the morning 

It was the first time I saw you guys laughing 

But it was all just a lie 

It made me start to cry 

And that made me want to die 

That picture of me that 

You wanted living in the back of my mind 

I heard you as you laughed in my face 

Making me think that I'm nothing but a disgrace 

And I bet all of this was a big mistake 

As I cuddle deep within my stuffed animals 

Crying to songs by Adele 

And still nobody could tell 

The last rabbit hole is where I fell 

I'm just something that they would buy and sell 

I was tapping but they never rang the bell 

Agony, depression, and anxiety all have that smell 

But I never could tell 

That's after I had fell 

They had put me through Hell 

As I was called a baby for being sad 

And a jerk for being mad 

And if I'm happy than I'm just annoying 

Why can't I be free to feel how I feel 

I can sense the danger that's near 

So then I start to fear 

I'm now wondering if you're here 

You only got me a phone 

So that way you feel more in control 

You're only digging yourself a deeper hole 

And I remember that all too well 

As they put me through Hell 

It was way too dark 

You didn't get far 

And it was you who tried to start 

All of the fights 

All of the arguments  

I quit playing pretend 

And that made you scared 

But you seem to never care 

You started it 

You started it 

Put me through Hell 

Just watched me as I fell 

I remember it all too well 

Because you started it 

You couldn't stand being hit 

By the cold truth 

I may not be good at telling good jokes 

But they tell me if I don't understand it 

I will never understand myself 

But they're long gone 

I don't think about them 

Until I need to 

Which I never do