A Deep Dive Into My Teenage Mind (From The Vault)

Clouds

Bright lights

And fake feelings

The golden cloud went dark

As you fell from up above

The sun no longer shines

As you are left with rain clouds

And thunderstorms

As you wish that you chose another path

But you loved the bright lights instead of the dark

Now you're left to defend until six a.m.

But you would rather feel at home

With comfort and warmth

But you're left in the clouds

The dark cold clouds

That leave you falling for free

You hold onto your life

Hoping and wishing it won't end right when it just starts

The clouds are bringing you away from feeling true

All of it a golden sunrise facade when you are left in the dark

They want power

Like they have full control of everyone's lives

Never going to let them feel their own feelings

While they continue pulling their strings to talk

I'm still wondering why you chose to have me in your family

So before I close my eyes for the night

I still think about all the apologies that I have given

But never got in return

I still think about all the disrespect given

And thrown back and forth

As the golden sunrise facade continues

I wish I never said that I loved you

I wish I never called you mom

As the clouds give up and let me fall to Hell

Where I belong

Because all the good girls don't deserve to be loved

You take a deep breath in and the toxic air fills your lungs

The toxic air moves through your chest into your throat

And from your throat all the way up to your brain

As it starts to remove all functions that you would control yourself

And they call you a baby and they will call you annoying

Denies it

But they still will call you a baby and call you annoying

I can feel the way they said I love you

Then they no longer do

The golden clouds grow dark

The bright lights are just a facade

They wanted power

But they don't want me