A Deep Dive Into My Teenage Mind (From The Vault)

Crazed

I was trying to get the message out to you

Crying in the backseat of the car

But you're too busy laughing about a dad joke

There was nothing that I could do left

I was stuck in the middle of the night

I couldn't see myself walking off of a cliff

You treat me like I'm a child

And you keep me locked up like a prisoner

You want me to open up more

Maybe ask me more personal questions than how your day

You bring up my name just to make me break down

And you tear my heart and break it like your promises

You don't understand all of my hardships

You just turn your head and call me a liar

I suffer through bulimia

Is that enough for you to worry about

I'm there thinking that I have people who actually love me

But they just treat me like my grandma did

I was nothing but an invisible string breaking in shreds

Tying a suicidal head case who couldn't stand there life

You try to do things nice but it's just a way to suck up to

I'm crying on the 3rd of December

But I can't open up because I don't want to put the blame on you

I want you guys to know I'm okay even though I'm lying

I'm listening to Taylor Swift hoping that one day that I'll die

I'm a worthless, recycled human whose life was given by default

It was everything that I was trying that ended in failure

Just like the way that I resulted with every single lie

The sinking feeling starts when I'm put in all of these moments

I'm crazed with wanting your attention because I feel as if you don't listen

And in the car I guess that you don't listen to me

I wish that I never showed up to this house

So I didn't have to try to be someone that no one wants me to be

I'm standing in the pouring rain with my new Billie Eilish shirt

Wishing that it would drown out all of the sorrow that has been brought to me

It's such a terrible feeling thinking that your parents hate you

Especially when they said they will get guardianship of you

You always say that you're sorry but I'm sorry too

I'm sorry that I'm too much for you to take

Maybe I shouldn't have said that I didn't want to leave

It honestly would've been better than suffering through this