It's My Choice (Book 1)

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

I woke up facing Tom, who was lying on his back. There were a few inches between us, I closed the space by scooting closer to him. I put my head on his shoulder and my arm across his stomach. Automatically, Tom put his arms around me and pulled me closer.

"I knew you couldn't stay away." Tom said.

"You're just too hard to resist." I replied with a giggle. "Plus, you're just so comfortable. You're like a big pillow." Tom laughed as I sat up. I looked at Tom and he looked tired as if he hadn't slept in days, "Were you awake all night?" I asked.

"Um, yeah. There's something about watching you sleep that's... entertaining." He sat in front of me and stared into my eyes, "Being awake all night gave me time to think. I was thinking and there's something...well, some things I need to ask you. First, why did you sleep with me...that first time?" he asked.

I looked away from him, I couldn't look at him, "I don't...I don't know."

I looked at Tom and he was looking down at his hands, "You don't know? How can you not know?"

"It was instinct, ok?" I interrupted; I kind of yelled it at him. "I've always been attracted to you. I saw a chance and I took it."

Tom looked up; there was shock in his eyes. I don't know if it was because of how I responded or what I said.

"Why did you choose me? Was it because of sex? I remember you said three reasons you'd sleep with someone. Did you choose me because you didn't want to sleep with someone else?" he asked.

There was anger in his voice. In the time that I've known him, never have I heard him sound so angry. Except for that time that he was talking to Mike.

"Why are you so mad?" I asked.

"Why won't you answer?" Tom asked in the same tone.

"I had a crush on you when we met. I let it go because I was with Mike. We started spending more time together and the feeling started coming back. Each day you would surprise me and...you made me fall in love...but I didn't realize it until I had to choose." I had trouble getting it out. My voice shook and tears spilled and with every word I said, Tom's anger vanished and was replaced with sadness. "Is that what you want to hear?" I yelled. I stood with my back to him as tears were coming faster. "Did you want to hear me say that I was miserable trying to...fight the feeling of falling in love." I turned to look at him and his eyes were red. "I didn't want to fall in love because I did with Mike and he hurt me. If I let myself fall in love with you...then you would just do the same."

"You know I couldn't and wouldn't do it. I would never hurt you that way. I could never hurt you at all." Tom interrupted. He raised his voice to get my attention and tears started running down his cheeks. "You don't realize...I am just the same. Why do you think I've never had a girlfriend? I never let myself fall in love so I wouldn't get hurt." He stood in front of me. "I couldn't...stop myself from falling in love with you. There's something about you that...brings out a side of me I've never shown. A side I promised myself I would never reveal. But you...you're different. And that's why you're so special to me. I've never met someone like you." By the time he had finished he had lowered his voice.

We were standing there in silence for a while. It could have been seconds, it could have been hours, but we were just there staring at each other.

"Why would you doubt it? You know there's nothing to worry about." I said in a calm voice. "There's nothing standing between us to keep us apart. There's nobody to keep us apart."

He walked up to me and put his arms around me, "I know, but I was just insecure. I had to make sure you did these things because you feel something." He looked into my eyes and held my gaze, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled and I shouldn't have gotten angry. I'm so sorry." He leaned in and kissed me. His hands went to my waist and he lifted me off the floor.