Get Me Out of Here (Completed)

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Months after Kim's death, we celebrated Christmas with her family, and some of our friends.

At first, I didn't want to come, because I'm still guilty of the things I've done and I thought I couldn't face them. But Xian appeared infront of our door, telling me that he's picking me up, that there's no reason for me to feel guilty, because Kim already forgave me, because he already forgave me.

My tears immediately fell down when he said that, as if I was only waiting for that forgiveness. He opened his arms widely so I ran to him and hugged him while I cried.

Like before, he's still the one who can calm my heart. His assurance and the way he accepts me the way I am, it can always make me feel calm. Makes me wonder.. where will I ever find a man like him?

He convinced me to come so in the end, for the first time after Kim's death, we celebrated Christmas altogether.

Being with him for a short while made me hope that maybe.. we can just go back to each other, that maybe.. we can go back to what we used to. I indulged myself with his presence for that day. I wanted us to get back together, but when I saw Larry, the woman who's been with him since Kim died, I realized that maybe.. we're really not for each other. So in the end, I gave up on us.

I realized that I loved Xian because he's the only one who can understand me, he's the only one who was with me. But things are different now and I understand that we can't go back to what we used to.

I'm not sure if I'll ever find someone like him. All I want for now, is to find myself, to depend on myself and not on anyone else, to learn how to love myself more because no matter what happens, I will only have myself in the end.

He's my first love, the one that got away, like how Kim is to him. We all have that kind of person but I know we will all be able to find a person who's meant for us, like how he found Larry.

I went back to Seoul after the holidays. I tried to live, I tried to figure out who I am, I tried to become a better person. I thought it will be easy, but the truth is.. everything has always been easier said than done.

"Are you scared of me?" I couldn't stop myself from asking.

It's been a month since Corine started working as my personal maid and I always notice how she keeps her distance from me. She avoids looking at me in the eye and she looks scared of me.

At first, I thought it was normal because she's new and Mom got her from a Filipino agency. But I don't think there's a reason to be scared of me, unless she heard about the previous things I've done.

I know it wasn't easy to work for me. I have the thinnest thread of patience and I have always been engaging to harm. There are times that my anger makes me do things but I've never hurt anyone in this house. I'd rather hurt myself than the maids here. But I guess.. that is still scary. Sadly, hurting yourself makes you look scary, and pitiful.

She swallowed hard, she had to look up at me because of what I said. I noticed how she tried to step back when I stood up. I stopped and stared at her.

"You're scared of me.." I concluded.

"H-Hindi po, Miss Armie.." She even stuttered.

I chuckled. I looked at her unbelievably.

I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or I should just get used to it. I know I've done cruel things in the past but.. am I not allowed to change?

I sighed. Instead of explaining myself, I decided to just let it go.

That night, an invitation came that really surprised me. It was a wedding invitation, from Xian. And what shocked me more, was when my parents told me that I can't go.