Get Me Out of Here (Completed)

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Dylan is gone when I woke up in the afternoon. Corine said that he left and didn't say anything. I assumed that he left because he got bored. He can't do anything here anyway, and I'm probably boring for him, because I always want to be alone.

I spent the rest of the day doing my usual routine. I ate my snacks near the pool and started to swim when the sun came down, then had my dinner afterwards.

Night time is like the usual, it's always hard to fall asleep. I would spend hours staring at the ceiling, thinking about everything until my eyes would get tired and they fall asleep on their own. It always happens and I've gotten used to it.

But two days after Dylan left without saying anything, anxiety started to eat up my mind again.

I know this shouldn't be a big deal, that's why I tried so hard to ignore it and live like how it was for the past month. But I don't understand why I feel so hurt because he left without even saying anything. He told me it was boring here, did he mean that? Am I boring too? Did he get bored because of me?

I couldn't stop thinking about that for days. He told me he was bored and he was trying to be with me, but maybe he got bored with me too, that's why he left.

Now I realized that he's probably right. The things I do.. it's boring, I don't have much to offer. Maybe that's why he just left like that. And I can't help thinking, what about Corine? What about the people here? Are they bored as well? What if they get tired of me and leave me too? What will happen to me?

I went to the pool side with my sketchpad and my pencil so I can cool my head. I don't want to keep on overthinking, I need to stop it, I need to let it out.

And like what I always do when my mind is eating me up, I draw. And as a result, all the drawings in my sketchpad are monsters that I draw unconsciously.

I stared at every drawing I've done since I came here. Every page is full of unknown things, some have eyes that look weary, some are heads with no faces, a woman drowning, a woman crying, and the flowers I often draw.. red spider lilies.

I bit my lower lip. I continued turning the pages and I noticed that every eyes in the drawings look like someone familiar. I swallowed hard when I remembered that night I've been trying so hard to forget. It's so vivid like it happened just a while ago.. the blood.. those eyes.. they keep on coming back.

Maybe I'm just pretending.. or I'm fooling myself. I thought I'm starting to be fine but the truth is that I'm not. I'm still the same girl being consumed by the monsters in her head, by the memories she's trying so hard to forget.

I threw the sketchpad and the pencil on the table. I shut my eyes close as I try to calm down.

It's all in the past, Armie.. it wasn't your fault, you didn't do anything bad.

Is there really an end to all of these? Or I'm just fooling myself that I'll be fine? Did I really go crazy? Am I really crazy like how everyone thinks of me?

"Please.." I cried. "I'm not crazy.."

I shook my head, still trying to fight back. "I'm not crazy.."

I don't know what else to do. If this won't help me then what else is there? I don't want to continue living like this, I want to get better!

I stared at the sketchpad, at the drawing of those eyes.. like they're looking at me.. pleading..

The memories rushed to my mind, so clear, so loud, so scary. I heard the gunshots and then the people screaming. And those eyes..