Get Me Out of Here (Completed)

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I know it's rude if I don't invite him for dinner, so I asked Corine to call him so he can join me. I just didn't expect that it will be this awkward.

"How's your stay here so far?" he asked while eating. He doesn't look bothered at all, I feel like I'm the only one who can't eat properly here.

"It's fine," I answered simply.

I tried to cut the steak normally, but I always end up looking at him.

We're good friends but we've never really been together alone, so it's kind of awkward. And I think the past just added to this feeling. I don't expect them to treat me the same way again, after Kim's death, some of them must have hated me for being selfish back then.

"Arkin told me that you've been staying here for almost a month. Kailan mo balak bumalik?"

My eyebrows furrowed. "Why do you have to know?"

And my brother told him that? What else did he tell him? Did he tell him that I went to the psychiatrist?

He chuckled. He licked his lips. "Easy, Armie, I just want to know. Mapapadalas ako dito sa Pampanga kaya papasyalan kita kapag may oras."

"You don't have to do that. I came here so I can be alone, I don't need visitors."

He looked at me and smiled. He picked up the glass of water and started drinking while still looking at me. I didn't even notice that he's done eating while I haven't even started.

He stood up after drinking. I saw him look at my plate before looking at me. "I'm done, I'll leave you alone now so you can eat properly. And next time, don't invite someone to join you if you know you won't be comfortable." He smiled after saying that, and then he turned his back so he can leave me alone.

I sighed and realized that he must have noticed. It's that obvious and I can't help it. I did something wrong in the past, I can't even forgive myself, how can they forgive me? It's a puzzle to me that he's treating me nicely.

In the end, I couldn't eat anymore. I sighed and called Corine so she can start cleaning the table. She looked at me worriedly when she saw the food on my plate.

"Ayaw mo ba ng steak, Miss Armie? Ipagluluto kita ng ibang pagkain."

I shook my head. "I'm fine, Corine, thank you."

She nodded, as if she knows it already. I smiled and left her there alone.

Corine knows when something is bothering me, she won't ask questions, she'll just let me be alone for a while so I can be fine.

Like some other nights when I don't really feel good, I went to the infinity pool to clear my mind and watch the view.

Having anxiety is not easy, you get emotional without a certain reason, you get scared, sometimes you panic, sometimes you cry, sometimes you just feel weak or tired of everything.

There are times that I feel like I can't get out of it. I used to cause self harm, without even knowing it and those times.. those times are the ones that I don't want to remember.

Asking me when do I plan to come back, is like asking me when do I plan to go back to those times.

This place gave me hope and a fresh start, it gives me the peace that I need, the life that I want. But then I realized.. I can't stay here forever, I can't hide here forever.

I came here to find peace, I came here with the thought that I will heal, that I will be better. So I should be leaving this place with that peace within me. I should learn how to keep that peace within me, so I can leave, so I can go to places without the fear of losing myself again.