Get Me Out of Here (Completed)

Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Nakita niya kami sa pintuan nang lumabas ang mommy niya. Pagkatapos ng lahat ng sinabi nito ay umalis din ito agad na para bang pumunta lang siya dito para pagalitan ang kaniyang anak.

Ilang sandali akong hindi ako nakagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko, hindi makapaniwala. Mulat ako sa mundong ito pero hindi ko alam na posible pala ang ganoon. I grew up with everyone around me trying to secure me, caring for me, trying to love me. I thought they're doing that just because they have to, not because they really love me. I thought they're doing that because of pity, pero swerte pa pala ako.. swerte pa pala ako kasi may ganoon ako.

Sadly, most of the elders don't believe in mental health. Probably because during their time, depression was not recognized. Their view about it is shallow, because they have lived thinking that it's all an act, thinking that it's pretentious, that it's for people seeking attention. At madalas.. magulang pa natin ang hindi naniniwala sa atin.

Abish immediately stopped crying when we entered her room. Tumigil siya na para bang ayaw niyang makita namin na umiiyak siya, na umaarte siya at nagpapaawa katulad ng iniisip ng iba.

My heart hurt at her situation. Fighting the internal battles is already hard, pero doble iyon kung maging sa mga taong mahal niya ay kailangan niya pang patunayan ang sarili.

"Y-You're here.." she said when we walked inside the room silently.

Nag-iiwas siya ng tingin sa akin at maging kay Dylan, hindi pumipirmi ang mga mata.

"How are you?" Dylan asked her.

She smiled faintly. "I'm fine.." And then she looked at me. "H-How about Armie?" Bumaba ang mga mata niya sa tiyan ko at nakitaan ko agad ng pagsisisi ang kaniyang mga mata.

It's obvious that she can't get over it, it's obvious that it's the reason why she tried to take her own life last night.

Huminga ako nang malalim at tumitig sa kaniya. "I'm fine, Abish. I haven't totally moved on, it's been just a few days.. pakiramdam ko nandito pa rin.." Humawak ako sa tiyan ko habang nakatingin sa kaniya. "But I'll be fine. Things like this always happens, bad things happen, we regret about it but in the end, we'll get over it, we have to, because that's life."

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin. She looked at her hands instead, kanina pa niya pinaglalaruan ang mga daliri.

"I'm really sorry.." she murmured. "I'm really really sorry.." Her tears started falling down her cheeks. "I dreamed of you that night, I couldn't sleep. I keep on hearing cries like it's haunting me, I keep on seeing blood whenever I close my eyes. I thought it would be fine if I apologized but I guess it's something that can't be forgiven. Hindi maibabalik ng sorry ang baby ninyo at hindi ko alam kung ano pa ang dapat kong gawin. I've done a grave sin, I killed someone.."

Lumapit ako sa kama niya. Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin, basa ang mukha dahil sa mga luha.

I shook my head. "You didn't, hindi mo iyon sinasadya.."

She looks so helpless. Humawak siya sa mga kamay ko at naramdaman ko agad ang panginginig niya. This should have been traumatic for her too, patuloy niyang sisisihin ang sarili at hindi siya patutulugin ng guilt.

"I'm sorry, please.." she cried. "Walang ibang ginawa si Dylan kundi ang maging mabuti sa akin. He's the only person who tried to understand me, who listened to me when everyone else is thinking that I'm just seeking attention. Pero eto ang ginawa kong kapalit.. I killed his child.. I killed your child. Mom's right when she said that I'm such a disgrace, I shouldn't have existed, I should die too--"

"Is that why you did that?" pinutol siya ni Dylan kaya napatingin siya rito.

"You think ending your life will make things right? Do you think we want that just because our child died because of you?"