Unknown Desire

Tom -she is gone

Smash is all I hear behind me I turn to see Leah her face filled with fear. Fuck this isn't happening. I should have told her this morning. I ran after her but she wouldn't stop thank god Joe got to the door to stop her.
She was hysterical at this stage. I signal to Joe to take her to my office while I got rid of Nikki. Fucking Nikki she couldn't just leave had to act like the spoilt brat she was. All money no class. Why I ever gave her a contract i'll never know. I was at a loose end. Figured she would scratch an itch until the next sub came along. But then Leah came into my life and in 48hrs I was hooked on her. She was sassy but naive her body was unreal. She didn't even know how beautiful she was. Why didn't I just stay and have breakfast with her. Fuck I yell.
I head back to Nikki and untie her. Leave and don’t every come back. Please Tom I need you she cries. Nikki we are done. Is it because of that tart. She spits.
No its because I'm done with you. Leave I shout she picks up her things and leaves. She will never satisfy your needs. And you'll come looking for me.
We are done i say and head back to the office my head is racing how do I explain this. Leah isn't going to listen
As I approach I hear her shouting at Joe. I smile to myself Joe looks at me and nods to the bathroom were she has locked herself in.
I hear her shout fuck you Tom through the door to which I reply I think you already did and more than once. She goes quite. Leah let me in I say no she shouts
Leah open the door before I break it down.
I give her to the count of five.
I start to slam into the door. I manage to get in and see Leah in the shower up against the wall.  She looks terrified I feel awful she has no need to fear me.
I'd never hurt her. This reaction hurts me. I try to explain what just happened with Nikki she doesn't want to listen she has her mind made up that I was assaulting Nikki.
I tell her that's Nikki thing. And that I was trying to tell her this morning. We go back and forth for a bit. On the Nikki situation. I feel her judgement and snap telling her she shouldn't judge what she doesn't understand. She was married young her ex hurt her.
Her face just changes as she shouts I wasn't ripped off I'm not a scorned woman I'm a widow she spits.
My face falls at this, "he was killed she cries"
I'm sorry leah I say you never said.
You never asked she retorts. This boils my blood.
To be fair you never asked either you have been trying to get me to bed since you met me I state.
Her face changes and she gets up and asks to leave. I plead with her to stay so we can talk she asks to leave  again. I let her go as she reaches the door I say sorry again. She says for what not being honest or making me feel like a cheap slapper. Its like a dagger to the heart. She is gone and I'm just left on the floor with my thoughts. I begin to feel the rage build in me. I start to smash up the bathroom in anger. I knew this would end in disaster don't get attached you broke all your own fucking rules in 48hrs
Joe comes back and shouts at me to stop. Get ready to open I shout. Joe walks out he knows better than to push me in this mood. I slam my door shut and sit at my desk. What have I fucking done. I've never seen anyone look at me the way Leah did that fear in her eyes will haunt me.
How the fuck did I go from fucking her brains out this morning, to this. I notice a light flash on the phone I press it. Hi Tom its leah I just realised I left my bag phone and clothes there yesterday when I made a break for it. She giggles I'm on my way down. See yeah soon.
The sound of her voice softens my mood. Fuck fuck fuck I yell. I can't sit here I have to make her understand. I can't leave it she thinks I'm a monster. Maybe I am maybe I'm the fucking devil. But she is my salvation  I can't just walk away.
I head to the bar looking for Joe, calmed down yet he says
No, where is her stuff I grunt. 
behind the bar, get it. Tom do you think this is wise. Give her a day to cool off. I can't Joe, I need to make her understand Joe i can't let her think I'm a monster. She doesn't Tom she is just in shock.
I'm not sure Joe she was afraid of me. I could see it in her eyes.
Tom if she asks you to leave please do you can't force this. I know Joe but I have to try.
I head to the car with her things. On the way I stop and grab her milk as I know she had none.
I hope she let's me in. But I doubt it. I can't bare this.
I'm a fucking idiot.