Unknown Desire

Crushed

We finish getting ready Clare borrows my red dress and curls her long hair with a little makeup she looks stunning. I doubt Joe will be able to take his eyes off her tonight. I've seen how close they have gotten. Both taking things slowly. I wear my dress and hair slicked back in to a low bun. Red lips and smokey eyes. Spraying my favourite sent. With black sandals to give me the extra height and illusion of longer legs. I place the diamond collar Tom had bought me around my neck.
I down my gin and grab my coat and bag. The taxi has arrived and we head to the club. Joe is at the door when we arrive, Ladies I wasn't aware you were coming in tonight. I will set up a table in the back for you. No need Joe we will be in the bar. Leah are you sure Tom is here tonight. Joe I'm not hiding away in the back to avoid Tom. So unless we are barred from drinking here we will sit with everyone in the bar. OK if you insist. And don't tell Tom I'm here, I don't want him ruining our night. Clare looks at me oddly , I just wink at her.
We head in and find a seat at the bar. Knowing full well it won't take Tom long to see us, plus every other male in the place. I order my usual,Clare goes for a red wine. We barely have our drinks when we are approach by the first males of the night. Hey ladies haven't seen you here before. Can we get you a drink. No we are good Clare says. So Ladies are we meeting someone or just a girls night. A girls night Clare says to the guys standing beside her. What is your name I say to the one beside me.
Dante Wilder and you
Aoife Dillion I lie. Clare looks at me as Dante turns to her and you beautiful Lady
Clare looks at him Isabelle Black she says.
Dante's friend looks her up and down and says I'm Darragh Roche please to meet you.
Are you sure you ladies don't want a drink. No we are fine but thank you. So Ladies what line of work do you do. Clare takes the ball and says teachers, Primary school teachers. Really Dante says. Do we not look like teachers. Well I wished my teachers dressed like that Darragh says. I'm sure you do I say. So Ladies would you like to join us over in a booth. Before I can answer. Tom's voice comes from behind the bar no they don't. Excuse me I say, we are capable of making our own decisions. The guys look between each other. It's ok Ladies we don't want to get in the middle of whatever this is. Fine your loss I say. And turn to face Clare. Her face doesn't look happy. But she says nothing as Tom is glaring at me. Tom barks at me a word Leah. I stand up take my drink and say Clare I think we will find a table, somewhere alittle more private. Leah I'm speaking to you he barks again. I just walk off, Clare quickly follows. Leah what are you doing she says worry wrote all over her face. Clare, Tom can't decide we are done and expect me too
One: Accept it
Two: Control who I talk too.
Three: Think I'm going to listen to him when I'm out of office hours.
I slide into a booth in the far corner near the Ladies. Clare places her drink on the table and heads to the toilet. I take out my phone and pretend to be checking my messages when Tom approaches me. Leah what are you doing here. Having a drink with my friend what does it look like. Leah don't play games
I'm not Tom, it's you who seems to be confused here not me.
How so!
Well we are after work hours so you are not my boss right now.
I'm just having a drink with my friend is that not allowed.
Leah so you choose this bar dressed like that for a friendly drink with Clare.
Well if you must know
One:I didn't choose this bar Clare did as she was nervous of meeting some of Eric's people. So she knew she would be more comfortable here.
Two: I can wear what I want, it didn't bother you before. If you must know I bought this dress for you. So it's ashame to let it go to waste now you don't want me.
Three: stop trying to control me, you don't want me so time to move on.
Do I need to go on.
Clare returns what did I miss. Oh nothing Tom was just saying we should enjoy our night.
Tom storms off
Leah are you sure this is wise, he really looks pissed off.
Clare he can stay pissed off, he created this mess.
Even still Leah,you might wanna reign it in abit.
Ah Clare I've no intention of being with anyone,Tom just doesn't need to know that.
Well be careful she says I don't want it backfiring on you.
It already has, Tom is pushing me away like Eric said he would.
Eric told me he would destroy me and Tom from the inside out. And his little truth bomb about Chloe and Josh was enough to put the wheels in motion. Well I won't let him win.
I will show Tom what he is missing.
Would it not be easier to just talk with him Clare says.
I tried he is blocking me out. He has moved my desk upstairs avoids any one to one contact if he can help it. So this is the only way I can get his attention. I see Joe heading our way with drinks.
Hi Joe I say.
Complements of your boss, he apologises for interrupting your night.
I'm sure he does I say.
Leah what's going on. Nothing I say, Joe he doesn't want me but expects me to sit at home pining for him.
I'm moving forward Joe.
Joe laughs Leah I can read you like a book. You wanna be careful, Tom is pretty pissed off. Tough Joe.
He knows where I am if he wants to talk properly.
Well I better get back to it.you Ladies enjoy your night please don't cause to much chaos while your here.
Chaos who me I say , yes you Joe laughs.
We drink our drinks and chat about what Clare plans to do now that Eric is Locked up without bail until his trail. I don't know to be honest. I've been looking up courses and thinking about heading back to college but I need to find a job. Well I can help with that. Do up your c.v. and i will help you prep for interviews. Really you would do that. Sure of course my evenings have freed right up these days. So why not.
Clare bursts into tears, hey why the tears Clare. Because you have been so good to me Leah. You gave me a home and have made me feel safe and welcome. Even after everything Eric has done, you still helped me.
Clare none of this is your fault. You do know that you are as much of a victim as me and Tom. So you can't let him win. Getting your life back on track. Gives you back your control. And I'm here for you as is Joe and Tom. I give her a big hug and notice that Tom is sat at the bar watching us. Clare excuses herself to the Ladies to fix her Make up.
Tom heads back over. Is Clare okay he asks. I look up again my heart feels crushed that he doesn't check to see how I'm doing.
She will be I say.
Leah can we at least be civil to each other he says.
Civil I spit, Tom you have some cheek.
Leah please he says
Why Tom where you civil to me today when you ran away from me.When you verbally attacked me after lunch. When you moved my desk to the dungeon by myself.
So Tom you tell me when I have I not been civil to you?
Clare arrives back and looks between us. Okay I'm just gonna take my drink and chat with Joe you guys need to talk.
I think Tom is done talking to me, isn't that right Tom. Clare practically runs from the table.
Tom slides into the booth. And waves to the waitress. Whiskey and Leahs usual. I look up add a shot of tequila to that please.
Tom says nothing.
The waitress leaves and we sit in silence like two awkward teens on a first date.
Leah,are we going to talk about this. What's to say Tom.
You don't want me, Leah that's not true. The waitress returns and hands us our drinks. I down the shot, my god its awful but I say nothing and take a sip of my gin to get rid of the taste. Tom drinks his drink , I can see he is searching for the right thing to say. Tom you clearly have nothing to say to me. So why sit here wasting my time. I slide out of the booth and head to the Ladies. I feel the tequila has gone straight to my head and I'm feeling a little queasy. I lock the toilet door an vomit. Great I can't even handle my drink now. I sit on the toilet and wait a minute. When I feel OK I open the stall and fix my make up. I pop a mint in my mouth and head back to the booth. Tom is nowhere to be seen. My drink is gone and I can't see Clare. I head to the bar and order a water. I look around no sign of Clare. I head in Joe's direction. Hey where is Clare?
She went upstairs with Tom. Excuse me I say. Yeah he came to check on her as she was upset earlier. I am fit to burst. Fuck this , I turn on my heels and head upstairs. I'm reeling that he would be more concerned for Clare than me. Jealousy does not suit me. I look around for Tom he is nowhere to be seen so I head to his office. He thinks he can move on to Clare in her vulnerable state. I don't fucking think so.
I barge into his office and see Clare sitting on the couch Tom is nowhere to be seen. Where is he I shout. Clare looks at me in the closet. I storm into the closet but he isn't there. What the fuck is going on. I hear the door close, and I walk back out. Clare has gone and it's just me. I head to the door when it opens and in walks Tom. Clare is in the door way she pulls the door closed and locks it. She shouts in from the other side sort your shit out.
I step back bitch.
Tom walk to his desk and sits down. I stay standing, waiting on him to speak. He just watches me. I turn away from him and walk towards the bathroom.
Leah he says softly. What Tom
I'm sorry for how I spoke to you downstairs.
I keep walking, are you not going to apologise he says
No, why would I apologise.
Leah you came here to try and provoke me tonight.
You think too highly of yourself Tom.
You don't own me, you don't want me. But yet you think you can tell me what to do.
Tom let's face it you used me like Nikki and the rest of your contract Ladies. I was just a fool that didn't have a contract and believed i was different. I can see the pain in his eyes at my harsh words.
Leah that's not true. Isn't it I say.
No it's not.
Well stand in my shoes Tom it looks pretty much like that to me.
So you got what you wanted. Time to move on. Because unlike Josh I won't let you make a bigger fool of me than you already have. I head into the bathroom and lock the door. I try my best to hold back my tears. But my heart is broken and as much as I'm willing to fight for Tom. I don't think I have the energy when he clearly  doesn't want me. Leah I hear him call from the other side of the door. I don't answer as I don't want my tears to betray me.
Leah please unlock the door.
I don't answer
Leah open the door or ill break it down. He is getting annoyed now. Tom I can't do this anymore you win. I'll move on. I'll give you a month's notice to give me time to get another job. As I can't afford to be unemployed while Clare is with me and not working. I open the door and push past him. I check the door and it opens, Clare didn't actually lock it. I walk out without looking back. Grabbing my coat and bag and tell Niall on the door to tell Clare I'm going home.
I hale a taxi and leave.I cry all the way home. I thought he would at least put up a little bit of a fight. But nothing. I let myself in and head straight to the shower. When I get out my phone is ringing its Clare. Hi sorry I left. I just couldn't stay. Are you ok! Not really but I will be. I'm on my way Leah, Joe is going to drop me back.  No rush I'm climbing into bed. I don't feel like talking.
Are you sure Leah, I'm sure Clare we can talk tomorrow. A little lie as I know I'm not leaving this room unless I have too.
I climb into bed and switch my phone off. I begin to cry my eyes out. Wondering what was the point of that night we met. Why could the universe be so cruel to me. What had I done in my life that was so bad to be treated like this by the two men I have only ever loved. I cry myself too sleep knowing tomorrow is going to be another dark day.