Unknown Desire

Tom pov

I walk into the bar and there is Leah and Clare surrounded by men. Leah looks unreal. Her dress leaves nothing to the imagination. It clings to her body like a second skin. The two men are clearly enjoying the view I walk behind the bar and pretend to be working Leah doesn't even notice me. She is flirting with these guys and my blood begins to boil. When one of them asks them to join them at a table I can't help but interject. Leah isn't happy but it's enough to move the idiots on. I try talking to Leah but she just walks off leaving Clare to follow. Clare heads the toilet so I take my chance to talk to her. But again she shuts me down. Telling me I don't want her, this rips my heart apart. Because I see the pain in her eyes when she says it. I just want to tell her I'm sorry and go back to how we where. But I just can't. I leave and head back to the bar. I send Joe over with drinks as an apology to try soften her up. Damn she looks hot. I have visions of sucking and biting down on her breasts that look practically voluptuous tonight in that dress. Why is the man above testing my will power tonight.
I continue to watch them chat Clare appears upset and Leah is comforting her like a true friend. Her soft,caring nature always shines through. I see Clare head back to the toilets so I try again to talk to her but again she pushes me away stating I don't want her. This is really starting to bother me now. I order us a drink Leah adds a tequila to her order. I comtemplate cancelling it. But know better than to piss her off anymore. We sit in silence like school kids waiting for someone to say something. When the drinks arrive Leah downs the tequila. She doesn't even like it.I can tell by her face. She trys to hide her face and quickly takes another drink. We start to talk again she is short and defensive with me. We are getting nowhere because I can't string a sentence together as I'm afraid I'll tell her I want her and that will be that. She will stay with me even after all the pain and hurt I have caused her. I just can't let her.
She excused herself to the bathroom. I'd say her Tequila is going to come back up. She is looking a little green. While she is gone I get a call at the bar. I head over telling the waitress to get Leah a glass of water and to take our drinks away. She has had enough.
I need to head up stairs as there is an issue I tell clare to tell her I'll be back so we can talk. When I get back she is gone and Joe says she went upstairs with Clare as she wasn't feeling well. I go to check on her when I meet Clare. She says Leah is in the office so I head in and she Locks the door behind us shouting for us to sort our shit. I sit down thinking of the right words to say to her. Again saying sorry which seems to annoy her. She again throws it in my face that I don't want her. This breaks me. She locks herself in the bathroom and won't answer me.I tell her I'll kick the door in when she tells me I've won. That she will leave but needs time to find another job as she is basically supporting Clare also. She is broken telling me I used her like the rest and she was the fool once again. It took all my strength to hold back. As my heart is now crushed by the pain I'm causing her. She leaves without looking back at me.
I begin to punch holes in the door. I'm a fucking idiot, I've done the one thing I promised I wouldn't do to her. I don't deserve her. Clare tells me she is gone home and doesn't want to talk.I ring her number. Its off.
I head to her house and see the bathroom light on she must be in the shower I let myself in and wait down stairs. I hear her on the phone to Clare. She hangs up and turns off her light. I sit on her stairs listening to her cry over the pain I've caused. Why am I doing this. I wait til she is sound asleep knowing the alcohol will send her into a deep sleep. I call her name no answer so I slip into the room and watch her sleep. She looks so peaceful. But I know once morning comes she will be broken again. I sit and watch her for a while, reliving every moment we have had together. I get up to leave when she whispers please don't go. Fuck I'm caught. Just stay with me tonight and tomorrow things will be over. I can't bring myself to refuse. So I take off my shoes and climb into bed. Leaving my clothes on as I don't trust myself. She snuggles into me and goes back asleep while I stroke her hair. I soon relax and drift off with her in my arms. I wake up to an empty bed and wonder where she is. I listen for the toilet but nothing. I get up to see where she might be when I notice a note. Saying goodbye Tom, I will always Love you. Leah.x
Fear curses through me. Where is she I look out the window her car is gone. I check her wardrobe and she hasn't taken much. I ring Natasha, saying where is she. Natasha doesn't know what I'm talking about. I tell her not lie to me, when she explodes,Tom I don't know where she is. But you don't deserve her you fucking prick you have push her away and now she is gone and better off. You have no idea what you have done to her. Don't ring me looking for answers because I'm pissed off with you.
She hangs up I don't blame her.
I ring Joe and he also looses the plot saying I fucking warned you Tom. You have ruined that girls life. And he also hangs up. I sit alone in my own self pity. Knowing I totally fucked this up. I head to the office,to try figure out what to do. When I arrive I see her car outside. I rush in and there she is at her desk working away. She looks up,but doesn't say a word. Leah please talk to me. She doesn't respond just keeps working. Leah stop I shout.
She looks at me. Why Tom you don't want me nobody does. And that's OK, I've accepted that. Im just finishing the rosters and then I'll be out of your way for good. Like you wanted.
Leah I don't want that believe me. But I have cause you so much heartache how can we stay together. Its ok Tom you don't need to sugar coat it. You got what you wanted and your moving on. Eric was right. I just didn't want to believe it. I'm tried of fighting with you. My heart can't take it. So I'm gonna go away for abit. Like I wanted too. And when I get back we can try be friends. I'd really like to stay friends. If you can keep an eye on Clare and the house that would be great. Leah please don't leave because of me. I'm not leaving because of you. I'm leaving for me I need to find myself again Tom. I need to find the girl I use to be. I'll be back just not sure when. Oh If you can help Clare with a job that would be great she is a fantastic cook so maybe something in the kitchen would suit her. Yes sure anything.
Leah will you text me from time to time so I know your OK. Sure I say as I stand.
Leah before you leave, it was never a game to me and I do and will always Love you.
He sounds broken.
OK I walk towards him I reach up and kiss his cheek, See you soon.
I walk out the door,not looking back. Leah don't go he says as I reach the door. It's all I ever wanted him to say. But I can't stay, I need to get away now before he can stop me. I've a new chapter in my life to start. And If Tom and I are mean't to be we will find our way back.
I think it's for the best Tom. Speak soon I say and leave. As I sit in the car I look at everything I'm leaving behind and sigh it was good while it lasted. I pull out and begin to drive. I've have a place in wexford to stay and an old Friend from college has abit of work going that will keep me going. Things will get better, I tell myself as I drive out of the city.
I sit down at her computer and look at what she was doing . The rosters pop up she has them completed for 8 weeks.
She has all my meetings arranged with proposals and files ready to go. Even though she is heartbroken she still had to come and finish her job and looking after everyone like Clare. I will offer her a job In the Kitchen later. I sit with my hands in my head and cry for the first time in my adult life. As I realise that this is what true heart ache feels like. I'm not even angry I'm just broken. I've never felt like this about anyone other than my grandparents. I stare at her computer and go to shut it down. When I see she was searching something, I must have interrupted her. I click the box open. Signs you could be pregnant. I freeze to my seat. She thinks she is pregnant but how she can't have children she said her and Josh where starting ivf . My head is spinning what the fuck is going on. I ring her phone it goes to voicemail fuck I need to find her. I run out to my car and jump in she can't be gone far. I keep trying to ring her. But nothing I've no idea where she could go. I call Joe, he isn't answering either. Fuck Joe ring me back I need to find Leah ASAP. If you or Clare hear from her call me. Find out where she is I need to get her back. Please Joe I say and hang up.
I head to her house and find Joe. Did she come back here I say. Joe I need to find her. Tom let her go, he says I can't Joe I need her to know I'm hers forever. Well Tom you should have been honest with her instead you push her away with your stupid fears. We need to report her missing I say in panic. Tom why what's changed nothing and everything. Joe looks at me like I've lost my mind. OK Tom let's be rational here. She has been gone an hour they are not going to look for her. I'll get Clare to ring her in a bit to see if she is OK. She is probably driving and can't answer the phone.
So let's just wait and see.
I can't tell Joe what I found on her computer because one she might not be and two he will kill me for letting her go. We sit and wait no word Clare tries to get her but no word. Even Natasha has tried. She came by the club with Ivor to apologise. I tell her she has no need I'm the idiot that didn't listen to anyone not even my own heart. So it's all my fault she is gone.
I ring the guards the next morning when there is still no word. But they don't take it seriously as we are not related or in a relationship. And she told me she was leaving. I lose my mind and nearly get arrested. I decide to hire a private investigator to try track her through her bank transactions, phone history her social security number. But nothing its like she has vanished. He says it's early days and she will pop up eventually. We just have to wait..