Chapter Forty-One - There It Is

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Author's note: CW for internalized homophobia

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No moon tonight. The thought penetrated his sleep and he opened his eyes, trying to ignore the pain surging through his body as he lay in the hospital wing. But the full moon was over and done with. Plus since it was a Sunday he didn't need to worry about hurrying to any class; he could rest until curfew. With that pleasant thought he closed his eyes again, intending to go back to sleep.

Right as he was about to drift off, Pomfrey knocked at his door to inform him he had visitors. Remus woke up again, this time wriggling until he got into a sitting position. It was difficult without the use of his arms. "Who?"

"The boys," she said with an annoyed look, pushing the door open more to reveal the Marauders.

Oh. "All right," he said a bit stiffly, not really wanting to see them. He was still hurting over them not showing up the previous day, even though that was absolutely selfish. They could have swung by before the carriages left, a tiny part of his mind whispered as the three of them trooped in. They don't need to be by my side all the time, he pushed back.

However he could clearly see the guilt on their faces. And as soon as Pomfrey shut the door Sirius rushed to Remus's side and said, "We forgot how early the sun set, how early you'd have to leave. We showed up at five. We forgot... I forgot how early you'd have to leave. Merlin, I'm sorry, Remus."

Remus stared in slight disbelief at the rare 's' word coming from Sirius's lips.

"We're very sorry," Peter chimed in.

"Completely and utterly," added James.

Remus swallowed, trying to sit up a little more. "It's okay—"

"It's not," Sirius said stubbornly as he sat down, holding Remus's hand. "It was awful of us."

Remus didn't know what to say to that. He didn't want them to know how hurt he had been. "I... forgive you," he ventured, hoping that was right.

Sirius gave a faint smile, releasing his hand. "That's because you always forgive us no matter how dumb we are. I think you'd forgive us even if we killed someone."

Remus paused for a second. "Depends on if the person deserves it or not." He hoped he sounded joking enough though Sirius was right; he probably would forgive anything from those three. They accepted his lycanthropy. How could he not forgive them?

Peter approached the bed, swinging a bag off his shoulder. "We brought you presents!"

"Loads of presents," added James, holding up two bags as well.

"You—you d-didn't need—"

"We didn't, but we wanted to," James said, handing one of the bags to Sirius before opening his bag. "I got you sweets, a book, and yarn. Look at this yarn!" He dumped several boxes of sweets onto the bed, a book, and then showed off a large skein of yarn. It was dark blue—nearly black—and there were shining bits that looked like stars. It looked so much like the night sky that Remus wanted desperately to knit something right away, before he remembered that he wasn't knitting anymore. It wasn't manly enough, according to his father, and Remus needed to do anything and everything to be as manly as possible since he was—like that.

"It's beautiful," Remus said, fingers itching to touch it.

Peter added more sweets to the pile (not as many as James) and a bottle of butterbeer. Sirius didn't get him any sweets; instead he had bought a miniature figure of a dragon. It was about a foot long (a foot and a half, including the tail), and was motionless unlike most magical statues. Sirius showed him how the claws would grip a headboard and when you tapped it with your wand...

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