Four To The End (prev Shifting Lines) Book Three (Marauders Era)

Chapter Forty-Three - Another Pinky Promise

Author's note: yes, sex and gender are two different things however this is the 70s so I am trying to keep the language as close to things they might say as possible.

-x-

The first thing Remus was aware of was Lily's arms wrapped tightly around him. Then slowly he began sinking down, unable to stay standing, his legs becoming weak and rubbery. Lily sank down with him until they were both on the floor, clinging to each other.

A brief, fleeting thought to take it back, say it was a joke, say he wanted to see how she'd react entered his mind before it was swept aside by the overwhelming realization that no, he didn't want to say those things. He wanted her to know. After so many months of confusion, speculation, denial, and realization (and all right, more denial), someone else knew. Someone knew and didn't care. No, more than that; it wasn't that she didn't care. It was that she accepted it. She thought it was okay for a boy to like other boys. She didn't think him disgusting or a freak or wrong or—

He began crying, dampening both their uniforms.

"It's okay," she whispered, stroking his hair. "It's okay, Remus. There's nothing wrong with that. I love you, okay? I love you."

He dug his fingers into the back of her robe, pressing his face against the crook of her shoulder. Her scent of strawberries and springtime filled his nose, filled his head, and calmed him a little bit. This was the scent of care and acceptance. Of someone who loved him.

She kept whispering, kept stroking his arm, kept holding him, kept comforting him until slowly he pulled away, knowing he looked a complete mess. She knelt in front of him, her own face a little wet from tears too.

"I've n-never... s-said... or... or... th-thought those... w-words," he admitted shakily.

Lily pushed some damp hair off her face. "I'm really honored I'm the one you said them to, then." She put her arms back around him. "It's okay to be like that."

"Not in the w-w-wizarding world," he whispered into her neck.

"Bollocks to the wizarding world, then," she replied without hesitation. "I said before, it's a lot of backwards-thinking. Christ, I love magic so much but you lot can be so archaic!"

Remus felt an inside smile, but couldn't manage one on the outside. Instead, he murmured agreement before pressing closer to her neck. She knows. Somewhere inside of him was a rushing, soaring sensation. Part of him felt so... unburdened and free.

They separated again, Remus sitting cross-legged as he scrubbed his face off onto his sleeves.

"You've never even thought the words?" she asked. He shook his head. "How... long have you...?"

Now he shrugged, trying to find the ability to talk. It was difficult at first then when the words started coming out he realized it wasn't as hard as he thought. "I d-don't know. I—I g-guess I st-started suspecting almost a... y-year ago? But didn't... put much thought into what it meant, I—I thought I j-just... didn't like girls yet." Those last words were very soft, an embarrassing confession. "I realized in August."

Lily reached out, tucking some of his hair back behind his ear. "Of course your reaction would be to magic it away," she said with a smile. Remus snorted, a line of snot falling down from his nose. He swiftly wiped it on his sleeve. "May I ask something? Was the potion to get rid of all the feelings or was it really because of one person?"

He swallowed, trying not to choke. He didn't think he could tell her this, his feelings for Sirius. Even though she had speculated... no, not yet. "In general."