Four To The End (prev Shifting Lines) Book Three (Marauders Era)

Chapter Sixty-Four - Calm Before The Storm

Author's note: CW for emetophobia, scratching self, and touch feeling like blades

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Dear Mum and Dad, 21/11/73

I have something extremely important I need to talk to you about at once. Please come to the school when you can, before the holidays. I cannot stress how important it is that we have this conversation; if you don't come within a week then I'll talk to Miss Fawley next Tuesday about bringing me home the following weekend so we can talk.

Remus

He stared at the letter, reading and rereading it multiple times. It was a bad idea—he knew it was a bad idea. He should wait longer than a few hours. Let things cool down. But he also didn't want to cool down. He wanted—needed—to talk to them as soon as possible.

Confront them.

Ask them why.

It was early Wednesday morning and Remus had only gotten a couple of hours of sleep, with James. When the Marauders had returned to their dorm with Remus all cried out, James silently climbed into bed with Remus without even asking. Remus didn't argue. He simply curled up against his friend and drifted into a horrific, nightmare-riddled sleep full of werewolves and vampires. He woke up multiple times, crying out, a couple of times accidentally striking James, who didn't care. James just held him until he went to sleep again, and Remus suddenly understood Sirius's request.

What if he had this every time he had a nightmare?

He imagined having Sirius holding him until he fell asleep again, the warmth of his friend next to him. Nothing... like that. It'd be like this. Like with James.

At five-thirty am Remus woke up again and stayed awake, getting out of bed and going down to the common room to write first a letter of apology to Miss Fawley, and then a letter to his parents. It took him over half an hour and countless rewrites until he had what he thought was best. He also knew the threat of bringing Miss Fawley into things would spur his parents into coming, which was blackmail but he didn't care.

At a little after six, after getting dressed, Remus went to the owlery. He checked on Arthur first who slept soundly, and then went to Cocoa. Peter had given him an open invitation to use his owl anytime, but Remus felt strange using him without Pete's immediate permission. He stared at Cocoa before moving on to a school owl, apologizing profusely as he tied the letter to the owl's leg, ignoring the screeches and pecks as best he could. He hated putting any animal through this sort of stress but it couldn't be helped, not at the moment.

The owl left, still screeching what Remus figured to be owl cusses, and then he repeated the incident with another owl, for Miss Fawley.

Afterwards, he headed downstairs. Hardly anyone was in the Great Hall and there weren't many choices this early for breakfast. He grabbed some toast and a banana before heading somewhere private to eat. Not that he felt very hungry. He didn't touch the banana, and only picked a few pinches off the toast before abandoning the food.

He had left a note with James so his friends wouldn't worry, but they all looked concerned anyway when he met up with them for Potions.

"I just needed some more alone time," he said, trying to put some life into his voice and knowing he sounded very empty. Sirius was glancing at him all over until he realized he was looking for blood. "I'm not hurt." He held up his hands to show there wasn't any blood anywhere.

Sirius went slightly pink. "I shouldn't have... I mean, I didn't... I—"

"It's all right," he promised, managing a faint smile.