Run Away

Chapter 1: Bored.

Hannah's POV :
God i am so depressed and i dont know why. Its been 3 months since my mom passed away. I never really saw her anyway but i really miss her. I probably won't even be able to go visit my family there because i was only allowed to go when she was there.

I am just going to miss her so much. This is absentmindingly making my cutting worst. I have cut myself since 4th grade and i just cant stop. Its the only way i can relieve stress anymore. My dad and step mom have tried getting me into councoling but it honestly just doesn't work. I don't feel comfortable talking to a complete stranger about my problems.

I have so many cuts on my legs and arms its unbelievable. I cant even wear a jacket without being insecure about someone asking about it. I have no friends really. I have a few but when I'm around them i get the vibe that they don't like me and don't want me around. Theres Cameron, Legend, Kamryn and Canisius.

Cameron recently got a girlfriend and he just never shuts up about her even though shes a town over. He never talks to me anymore because of her. She changed him a lot. Legend is a crybaby and always talks shit about people and its so annoying. Kamryn is the perfect friend but theres one problem. Ever since she started dating this guy Timmy, she hardly talks to anyone else. And well Canisius.. He's black. He's funny. But he gets super annoying when the stuff he says isn't even funny.

So yeah. Those are my "friends". Drama starters, ass holes, the typical 10th graders. Im not saying I'm perfect because I'm not. My life is rather jacked up at the moment. My so called friends don't seem to understand that though.

My home life isn't amazing either. I have a step mom that constantly is rude to me and invades my privacy. It really sucks.

My dad doesn't see how rude she is to me. She adores my brother and my sister though of course. I mean they are perfect. Anything a parent would ask for. Athletic, funny, smart, good looking, but inside i swear they are the devils children. Me on the other hand... I cut, i cuss, i continue to lie, I'm quiet, immature, don't do sports. So pretty much I'm just a 16 year old girl that is super depressed. I write all of my feelings down on some paper in my locker at school. Its safe there.

I try to get better and change my life. Stop the cutting, get good grades, find that ONE boy that makes everything feel right. But i cant. Nobody wants me. Everyone hates me. Im like a brown chip in a bag of yellow potato chips. Left out, feeling alone and worthless.

I continue feeling this way every single day. I have attempted suicide twice. Hospitals are not fun and i can tell you that. I spent 6 months in one. It really sucked.

At the moment i am sitting in my room. On Omegle. Like usual.

(I DO NOT SUGGEST THAT YOU PEOPLE GET ON THERE BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE CRAZZYYYY)

Anyway, i sit here talking to strangers. Venting to them and waiting for them to disconnect. People get bored of me really quickly. I mean if you aren't horny then the people on there just shut you out completely. Its quite over ruled to be honest.

ON OMEGLE:
me- hey
Stranger- hey asl?
Me- f 16. U?
Stranger- m 18. Wanna Skype? I will show you something;)
Me- no thanks.

STRANGER HAS DISCONNECTED

And that's about how it goes every time. Unless i just type in text as an interest. Then i text random people about my problems. Its really cool i guess until they block your number or make up excuses to stop talking to you.

I have honestly never had someone in my life that understands me and what i have been through. I wish there was more empathetic people in the world that don't just want to hit it and quit it. That being said.. Im not a virgin. My virginity was taken when i was raped at 14. I was walking home from choir practice.

Luckily, i hadn't gotten my period yet so i didn't get pregnant. Thats just another thing I've been through. Its all really crazy. Life happens so fast but goes by so slow.

I logged onto my Facebook after a few Omegle chats just to see what was up with people. I only have about 15 Facebook friends. Im not really noticed much at school or anywhere else. Its sad i know. But its not my fault I'm an outcast.

I dont think there has been a night where i haven't just broken down into tears and started cutting. It happens all the time. I cant help it nor does it bother me. Well it does but i just get used to it. No matter how deep the cut is, it doesn't bleed. I have no scar tissue anymore.

Uhg tomorrow is school. Another day at boring old school. Rude, immature, sarcastic, nonhelping, attention seeking ass holes all around me. I wish i had a real friend that would let me cry on their shoulder and would drive me home everyday.

I would drive myself but my step mom won't let me take drivers ed. Shes the complete definition of a bitch. If you looked up the word "bitch" in the dictionary there, plain and clear would be a picture of her.

School has always been easy for me. I usually get As and Bs. The occasional C though. Thats usually only in math because I'm taking a higher math class. See at school i laugh and act like a normal girl most of the time but when someone is rude to me it just hits me. Suicidal thoughts going all throughout my brain. Its not the most appealing thing to people because then hypocritically i turn into my step mom. Bitch mode.

Actually i usually am i bitch. Hypocritical. I know. I get upset because people are rude to me but i am rude to them. Maybe its like the saying treat others the way you want to be treated. But i think I've always been a bitch. I wouldn't honestly call it a bitch. I just speak my mind completely. I say exactly what I'm thinking. Wheatear its "you're hot" or "OMG i can see your dick through those shorts".

Well i am off to sleep. Its 3:00 am. I hardly sleep. And i gotta wake up at 6. Actually i think I'm gonna get on Omegle for a while. Maybe an hour or so.