The Surrogate

All that matters

Saturday December 24th.

Unable to sleep anymore, Seb's the first to get up and he quietly wanders out of his bedroom, stopping to look in the direction of Holly's room where he notices her door is slightly ajar. He knows that she's spent the night with Emilia in her room after he'd agreed to temporarily move the travel cot from his room to hers.

The urge to go and take a peek wins out so he tiptoes closer until he can slowly push the door open enough to enable him to see in and he peers around it only to find her room empty.

He swallows, his stomach quickly churning as his mind automatically shifts to the worse case scenario. Then he internally scolds himself and tells himself not to be so stupid, that Holly wouldn't have upped and left in the middle of the night with the baby. She wouldn't do that.... would she?

Trying not to feel panicked, he briskly heads downstairs. He tries to keep light on his feet, listening closely for any sounds that will tell him where she is. Like his main home in Switzerland, having a second home in the quiet countryside means it's often silent early in the morning and now is no exception.

Thankfully, a very welcome sight greets him once he gets to the lounge. The relief is immense. With the curtains closed the room is dim but he can see that Holly's laid down on the sofa with Emilia on her chest, both of them sleeping peacefully and with a cream blanket draped over them. Why they're not both in her room he doesn't know but it puts to rest his fear of her leaving once more.

A sense of shame makes him close his eyes and screw his face up, he shouldn't have immediately thought the worst like he did. He knows that he really needs to start trusting her more, she's been trying her hardest to prove herself and her love for Emilia shines so brightly that it literally surrounds her like an aura. This nagging fear he has that she'll leave has got to go. She's told him before that she's committed to both Emilia and himself and she's proving it every single day so far without fail, he's got to give her the chance.

Flicking a switch low down on the wall, he turns on the little white lights on the Christmas tree, bathing mother and daughter in a soft glow. Then he sits down in nearby chair and just watches them, letting the shame go and a feeling of contentment wash over him.

Just seeing Holly like this makes him love her even more and it makes everyday that passes that they're not together that little bit harder for him. It's Christmas, he should be waking up with her next to him in his bed, maybe starting the day off by making love and sharing touches and kisses before having a leisurely breakfast in bed and some cuddles with their daughter. He hasn't forgotten that it's Emilia's first Christmas, the day needs to be special for her.

He lowers his gaze to the floor, he wants Holly so badly right now, in every way possible and seeing her like this, it's almost enough to make him want to cave in and give them what they both want - a second shot at their relationship. Maybe doing that will help him to trust her completely?

"Seb? You ok?" Holly whispers, not wanting to wake the baby but wanting to make sure he's ok after opening her eyes to find him sat there, seemingly staring at the floor.

He looks up, his eyes instantly finding hers in the warm glow of the Christmas tree. Laying down on the sofa with a sleeping baby on her chest, she looks every inch the beautiful mother that she is.

"I'm fine," he smiles as he takes in Emilia's peaceful little face. It's her first Christmas, her very first one! "I've been awake for a while and couldn't get back to sleep so I got up and noticed your door was open. How come you're both down here?"

Feeling a twinge in her lower back, she tries to slowly adjust herself, grimacing when Emilia makes a faint little noise. "She woke a few times," she whispers back, "and I didn't want her to keep you awake, you looked tired last night."