Beyoncé
I sit by the shore of the lake. It's a bit chillier out so I can't go for a swim but I sit close enough by the water that I just dip my hand in there and swirl it around.
Water has always soothed me. Going to pools, long showers, never baths. It's probably why I cry a lot in private. I don't know, I've just always had a draw to water.
I feel hot all over after that fight with Megan. Even though it's in the 60's here, I'm not feeling much relief. My throat especially, burns. And my jaw from constantly buckling and unbuckling it. Fuck, I just feel so goddamn bad.
I hear footsteps behind me. Slow footsteps at that. I look back and see a woman behind me.
She's definitely around my age and shorter than me. She wears hiking clothing. Black cargo pants and the shirt she has on is a Dri-fit black one with white threading. Her skin is caramel, much like mine as she has dimples that I can immediately decipher when I see her.
"Hey, Whatchu doin' out here alone. Boutta be thanksgiving tomorrow." She furrows her brow.
I shrug.
"Damn, sum happen?"
I nod.
"I'm gay too, had a fight with ya girl?"
I'm guessing she noticed my phone background of Megan and I kissing. I can't necessarily deny anything.
"Yup."
"Talk it out, or was there cheating involved?"
"No, no, no. No cheating. Just got heated cuz she wanted to be overprotective and stuff."
She sits next to me. Her energy is calm.
"Damn. It's gone be cool though? She fem fem? That's how they are. Gotta give yaself some time to cool off and talk it out. How long y'all been together."
"Almost 5 years now. I wanna marry her perfect self."
"That's cute."
"Yeah. The fight was my fault. I took that shit overboard. My baby ain't deserve that. But she got me so heated when she said I act like my father."
"She brought up your daddy?"
"Yeah. I don't even care about the fact that she brought him up though, she just associated me with being like him. And that's what bothered me, he isn't a good man."
"Damn."
"Yeah."
"What's your name?" I look up.
"Lauren. You?"
"Beyoncé."
"Ight. Look I gotta go, but be cool on her. I'm sure she's remorseful and you learned something from it."
"Okay, thank you."
She gets up and continues walking. This lake is a part of a hiking trail.
What she said really sat with me and I just sit here thinking about it for a while.
I miss my baby and wish I could take back everything that came out of my mouth. I still won't take my medication because I simply don't care about it anymore. I don't feel anything coming on so I'm not worried.
I severely miss Megan right now. The softness of her skin, the smell of her perfume that let me know she was nearby whether I was looking at her or not. She always found a way to be near me, cheering me on, kissing me to bring me back to reality, has massaged my back to help me get out of being anxious, taken me on meaningful dates, everything about her I miss.
I go to my backpack and get the ring box out and open it up. The ring I got especially for her in it. I've gotta make things right.
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Thoughts?
I just wanted to say that I am very grateful for all of you for taking the time to read my work. I love y'all so much and I don't say that lightly. I love the encouragement and kind words y'all share and the funny comments when y'all react to things in the chapters. Thank you sm for believing in my works.
