Heart of stone

Such a baby

Wanda was the first to wake the next morning. She woke to find Nat on top of her, suckling on her collarbone. She melted at the sight of her baby, but knew that if she stayed asleep much longer she wouldn't sleep tonight.

"Babygirl..." she gently caressed up and down Nats back, hoping to wake her. What she didn't expect was for Nat to start sobbing.

Wanda quickly sprung into action and started rocking her gently. "It's okay babygirl... it's okay." Wanda tried but Nat didn't stop. This crying was different, it wasn't like last nights crying. It sounded much more like... a baby.

Wanda put the pieces together and gently pat Nat's diaper-cladded bum. She immediately knew what was wrong and made quick work of chainring her into some comfier, and warmer, clothes and a fresh diaper. "There we go my love... let's take you down to see people, hmm? Yeah? Yeah?" She said, tickling Nat who giggled every time she repeated the word.

"Your just the cutest little baby aren't you? Just so cute!" Wanda enthused, smiling like crazy. She carefully picked Nat up and took her downstairs to see people. She knew now Nat was in a younger headspace she wouldn't realise anything and would react differently with everyone.

"Goodmorning!"
"Morning!"

They were greeted as they walked through to the kitchen and both Clint and Laura seemed to be surprised that Nat was in headspace and willing to see them. "Goodmorning Nat." Clint said softly. When she didn't react Clint gave wanda a puzzled look.

"Someone's woken up in a younger headspace than usual." Wanda said, tickling Nat gently. "Aww... she's so cute!" Laura gushed, knowing Nat wouldn't get too embarrassed.

Over breakfast Wanda noticed Laura looking at Nat a lot. She put the pieces together and smiled. "Hey, can you take Nat for a second? I'm just going to get my phone." She said, handing Nat to Laura who nodded and smiled profusely. "Thanks!"

Wanda waited upstairs for a few minutes, grabbed her phone and went back down. When she did she saw one of the cutest things ever. She saw Nat fast asleep, snuggling into Laura with a pacifier tucked into her mouth. she couldn't help but awe at the sight infront of her as she sat down. "awe... shes so happy with you." Wanda said and Laura smiled happily. "Really?" She asked, loving taking care of little Nat. "Absolutely." Wanda said smiling.

As Nat was sleeping on Laura Wanda managed to make herself some breakfast. She decided to wait until Nat was awake to make hers, she didn't know what headspace she would wake up in and didn't know when she would wake up or what she would want.

Wanda sat next to Laura to eat and as she did Laura looked at wanda, expecting her to say she wanted Nat back. "It's okay, you can keep her for a little while." Wanda said giving Laura a little wink.

Laura smiled and just took in the feeling of holding a little, maybe they could do this...

After almost 45 minutes Nat started to wake up. She seemed startled at first, looking around, unsure of where she was. "Hey Nat, it's okay." Wanda said, noticing her distress.

Unfortunately, Nat had woken up big and she was mortified. Her face went brought red as her breathing sped up and tears sprung to her eyes.

Laura seemed to notice and quickly let her grip on nat go and she immediately got up and ran out of the room. "Sorry I'll be back in a second." Wanda apologies and runs after her.

"Nat?" She called out, hoping Nat would answer her. But the only noise was a heavy breathing in the bathroom. Wanda headed in and saw Nat on the floor shaking uncontrollably and crying, unable to catch her breath. "Nat-"

"No Wanda I wasn't ready I didn't want them to see me like that!" She says, panicking even more. "Nat, take a deep breath okay? I'm right here. Breathe with me, okay?" Wanda started to breathe in and out slowly, Nat starting to copy her. It took longer than Wanda expected for Nat to calm down, but after half an hour of breathing with her she was finally calm again.

She was still shaking slightly but her breathing was under control and the tears had stopped for now. "Nat, you know that nobody judges you for being little. They didn't mind and weren't judging you at all." Wanda tries to reassure her.

"But- you don't get it Wanda... I wasn't ready. I don't want to be little in front of them!" She says, getting worked up again. "Nat, I'm here listening to you, take a deep breath and tell me what the problem is." Wanda says, feeling Nat getting frustrated.

"I don't like my little side. I never have. The red room made me feel awful about it and I never slipped because of it. Now I'm finally slipping infront of you, which took a lot of courage by the way, and I'm not ready to slip infront of anyone else." She explains, starting to tear up again. "I know they won't judge me, but little me only knows you and the red room. When I regress with you that's because I feel safe and loved by you. I used to regress in the red room from fear before not regressing at all. Little me doesn't understand that people don't want to hurt her. And big me doesn't trust anyone enough to let them see me in little space."

Wanda nods, realising what the problem was. It wasn't who the people were, it's the people part in general. "And on top of that my little space is embarrassing to me, I know it shouldn't be but after years and years of being told that it was embarrassing and shameful and made me weak it makes me start to believe the things they were saying." Nat carries on, getting all her pent up emotions out.

"I'm sorry that I can't regress infront of other people, but my brain isn't wired that way. Your the only person I feel comfortable slipping infront of and I hate that I can't hang out with other littles or be little around other people but it's been burned into me that if I do I'm a bad person. I can't get rid of my past that easily."

"Nat, you don't have to be sorry. Now I completely understand why you don't like regressing in front of others. I just wanted you to explain it, that's all. Because I didn't understand before. I'm sorry that I took you down while you were still little this morning, I shouldn't have done that because I know you don't like being little infront of others." Wanda apologises.

"It's fine Wanda it's not your fault I just... I'm frustrated at myself for not being able to be normal." Nat says, her bottom lip starting to wobble. She didn't want to be shy and upset about her little space anymore, but her own brain was betraying her and wouldn't let her no matter how much she wanted to.

"Baby, you don't need to be frustrated. It will all work itself out. For now, we need to have boundaries with who sees you little, trust and honesty with each other and to take each day as it comes. Okay?" Wanda asks and Nat nods, agreeing with Wanda.

Her mama always knew what to say.
Her mama was the best.