Heart of stone

The talk

After a few days Wanda knew she couldn't put it off any longer, she had to talk to Nat about it. It wasn't going away, if anything the urge was getting stronger for Wanda. Why did nat do that? Why didn't she go to her? She's her mama after all...

Nat knew it was coming too. She was trying to avoid it by staying little, but she knew it was only a matter of time.

"Nat baby?" Wanda said gently to Nat, who was watching tv contently. "Mama?" She asked looking at Wanda before smiling and throwing herself into her arms. Nat was such a cuddle bug, Wanda loved it. "Hey baby, I need to have a talk with you..." Wanda started, but Nat's confusion made Wanda's heart throb. "But it needs to be with big Nat, is that okay?"

Nats eyes lost their innocence after a few seconds and she realised what was happening. Her eyes filled with tears and she whimpered. "It's okay, I'm not mad at you. I just... we need to talk about this." Nat nodded but still couldn't look Wanda in the eye.

"I'm sorry..." nat whispered before Wanda could say anything more. Wanda could see Nats bottom lip quivering slightly as tears filled her eyes. "Baby... it's okay, you don't need to say sorry, or be worried. I just need to make sure your doing okay, mentally. Okay?" Wanda said, hoping it would take some of Nats fear away.

Nat simply nodded and kept her head down. In her mind, she thought Wanda was going to lecture her about it. She thought that she was in trouble and was going to be punished. But Wanda didn't realise any of this, she just thought Nat was worried.

"Nat..." Wanda started but before she could say anything else Nat started to shake, she remembered what happened last time someone found out about her self harm, it was one of the guards in the redroom, who in turn told everyone including draykov and the man who Nat would rather forget...

Nat sat in her room, anxious as ever. Only a few small scrapes across her wrist, she didn't know what else to do with herself. One of the guards had found out, it was never going to end well. She just sat, looking at the wall blankly. If someone were to walk in you wouldn't think she was anxious, but she knew how to hide these things. It was her life.

After a few more excruciatingly long minuets the door swung open and she was grabbed by two guards. She didn't say anything, she knew it would only get her into more trouble. She let them drag her into a room she knew all too well. A room that all of the girls dreaded but only few would see what was inside. All they knew is it wasn't good, they could tell from the screaming and crying that came from it, even from the strongest girls.

Natasha was placed in a laying position, her body ever so slightly upright. Her hands were tied down with chains and a cloth was placed over her head. After a few seconds piercingly cold water was dumped over her whole body, making her panic. She felt like she was going to die, she couldn't breathe, she tried to stay calm as this happened but after the water hit her for the fourth time she broke. She started to beg and cry.

"Please I'm sorry, I won't do it again I swear PLE-" she was cut off by another feeling of drowning. This happened for a total of 50 times, each time getting worse. As the cloth was lifted from her face she gasped for air, and her body gave up on her. She threw up violently all over herself as she tried to get her breath back and calm down.

The guards dragged her to one of the changing rooms and threw clean clothes at her. She silently cried as she showered and changed into fresh clothes, the trauma she just endured haunting her already.

"Nat?" Wanda's voice brought her out of the flashback she was in. "Nat it's okay I'm not mad at you." Nat couldn't pay attention to what Wanda was saying, Wanda was disappointed and gonna be super mad at her. Wanda's never been mad at her, what if she hurts her?

Nats breathing started to become erratic as she came out of her head properly, this wasn't a flashback anymore, this was real. "Nat? What's wrong?" Wanda started to worry, she didn't mean to cause Nat any pain.

"No..." Nat mumbled starting to back away from Wanda. "Nat I-" Wanda was cut off by a loud cry as Nat started to panic more "Please... please don't..." Nat could barely speak she was riddled with fear. Wanda stepped towards Nat, wanting to comfort her baby. Instead of wanting Wanda, Nat cowered away and dropped to the floor, her hands covering her face. "Don't hurt me please I won't do it again..." she barely whispered, her breathing loud as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Nat, it's Wanda, it's mama. I'm not gonna hurt you. I would never hurt you baby." Nat nodded and Wanda immediately took her baby into her arms, she never meant for it to go like this.

After about ten minutes of Wanda walking and bouncing Nat in her arms soothingly she finally calmed down enough to talk. Wanda knew Nat wasn't little, but knew she needed the comfort.

"Nat, baby, it's okay to be nervous to talk about it. But I promise you that I'm not going to hurt you, that's the last thing I want." Wanda said gently kissing Nat's head before carrying on. "Can you tell me why you did that to yourself?" Wanda asked knowing this wasn't going to be an easy conversation.

"Sad..." she mumbled, burying her head into Wanda's shoulder. "Why were you sad baby?" Nat whimpered slightly but realised she would have to tell Wanda. "Wanted to be little..." she whispered, nervous of Wanda's response. "You can always be little baby, you don't need to cut yourself to stop it. You just come to me and-"

"I did. You were drunk, and then you were hungover. I didn't want to bother you." Nat said cutting her off. She didn't want to make Wanda feel bad but she didn't want to lie. "Oh..." Wanda said, realising it was her fault Nat's arm was sliced up.

"It's okay Wanda it wasn't your fault." Nat said sincerely, Wanda nodded but they both knew she didn't believe her. Nat didn't blame Wanda, she is allowed to have a good time when she wants. Nat shouldn't be in the way of that.

Wanda blamed herself though, she blamed every thought that went through Nat's head and every mark on her arm on her. She blamed herself. "I'm so sorry baby..." she said, beginning to tear up.

"Wanda, it's okay. Don't cry. I don't blame you, so you shouldn't either." Nat said trying to stop Wanda's thoughts. "I just keep hurting you... without even realising..." Wanda was furious with herself. How could she let this happen?

"Wanda!" Nat shouted, bringing Wanda out of her thoughts immediately. "It wasn't your fault. Please don't overthink, this is why I didn't want to tell you." Nat whispered the last bit, ticking her head back into Wanda's neck where it was safe.

"I'm sorry baby, I just... I wish I could go back and change things. But I can't, so I'm not going to dwell on it." She said, deciding she needed to be here for her baby now, instead of wishing she could change the past.

Nat closed her eyes, breathing in the smell of Wanda's perfume. It was her favourite smell, she couldn't think of one thing that was better. She started to drift off to sleep, she felt safe in Wanda's arms and never wanted her to let go.