Broken Souls Don't Cry

Chapter 43

Sara

Sara was in the hospital for two days before being released. During that time, she had been visited by a social worker and the police. Kyle had been arrested at the airport and charged with sexual assault and battery. Apparently they had enough evidence from the scratches on his face and the results of the rape kit. Casey said that Kai pulled some strings to get the kit tested right away rather than having it wait for months or years. Kyle was already out on bail and back in California according to Casey.

Sara's mom had been fussing over her since arriving at the hospital. As much as she loved her mom, she couldn't wait for her to go back home. However, Christmas was tomorrow, and her mom would be here for a few more days. Just a few more days of suffocating under her mother's care.

She had refused to see Kai while at the hospital and Casey reported that he had made camp in the waiting room on the floor she was staying on. He only went home to shower and while he was gone, AJ took his place. Keeping watch.

After being released, she had sent him a message.

Sara: I'm sorry.

Kai: You have nothing to be sorry about. Let's talk when you feel like you can. I love you.

Sara was happy he had responded, yet she was still overwhelmed by her emotional state. Most of the time she still felt numb, then she would feel angry, then sad. The cycle would repeat itself over and over. It was dizzying most of the time, both to her and those around her.

Christmas morning was a small affair, Sara never had a chance to buy Casey or her mom anything. They both had said that just having her with them still was enough and the best gift they could get.

She didn't buy it, but accepting it was easier than arguing.

Sara's mom left a couple days after Christmas and the apartment started to feel empty.

Sara woke with a start the day after her mom left. Another nightmare. They had started while she was in the hospital, and it made sleep difficult. Anytime Sara closed her eyes she would relive events over and over again. Most of the time both rapes were morphed into one and Sara would wake in sobs, calling for Kai.

He was never there.

Casey had started sleeping in her bed to help comfort Sara through the nightmares. It helped a little. Casey was no substitute for Kai though. When they were still together, Kai had a way of helping with any nightmares she had.

"Call him Sara" Casey urged for the millionth time. "He can help you better than I can."

"I can't." was always Sara's reply. She was still trying to come to terms with everything that had happened, from the fake cheating to her assault from Kyle and everything that had happened before, during, and after. It was a lot to take in and Sara was having a difficult time.

She had made an appointment to do a tele-visit with Janet, her therapist that helped her through her first assault. Janet had wanted to see her daily after that, with hopes to move it to weekly after showing some improvement.

Even Janet had encouraged her to speak with Kai. No one seemed to really understand why she was hesitant to speak with him. Sara didn't fully understand it herself.

She needed him. She knew that. Casey knew that. Even Janet knew that. So why was she so scared to talk to him?

Was she afraid he would reject her now? That he would scream or yell at her?

Sara was tired. Tired of fighting her thoughts and emotions. Tired from lack of sleep. Tired from separating herself from those that love her. She felt like a shell. A lonely empty shell. A ghost of what she used to be. A broken soul.

New Year's Eve was approaching. The only plans that Sara had was to lie in bed and hope to fall asleep before falling apart, while waking up with the promise of a new year. New hope.

Hope that one day she wouldn't be so angry. That the anger at herself for being weak, worthless, and stupid would fade. That she might one day have hope again and see the light at the end of this very dark, and lonely tunnel.

Hope for better days was all she had left.

**

Kai had moved. Sara looked at Casey with disbelief.

"Moved where?" Sara asked, worried that he had moved out of Colorado. Away from her.

"Not far, he's still here. AJ said he's living in a house right now. His parents kicked him out of the condo, and he needed to find somewhere else to live."

"Oh" She inwardly gave a sigh of relief. A stab of guilt followed knowing that she was the reason his parents had kicked him out.

"Are you sure you are okay with him living here?" Casey asked as they stood in the kitchen, pointing her head towards AJ, who was sitting on the couch surfing through Netflix to find a movie for them to watch.

"Yeah, it's fine." She really was okay with having AJ here.

"Let me know if having him here is too much okay?"

"Casey" Sara rolled her eyes, "It's fine. I don't mind it if you two move in with each other. AJ is the only other guy I can really stand. You could do worse. Having him around will be nice, as long as he leaves the toilet seat down." She laughed and patted her friend on the shoulder with her good arm and went to sit down on the couch by AJ.

She really didn't mind him being here. He's been a good friend and ever since her blowup at him a couple weeks ago, he hasn't brought Kai up at all. She appreciated that immensely.

Sara's phone buzzed and she pulled it out of her pocket.

Christi: Hey chicka! I'm in town. Wanna catch up? Get some ice cream or something?

Sara thought it over. Did she really want to see Christi? Yes. Did she want to deal with the inevitable questions about Kai? Not really. Is it really okay to hang out with her ex-boyfriend's sister? Was he really an ex or are they in that weird stage of taking a break? She wondered.

In all reality, Kai probably wouldn't mind if she hung out with his sister. Christi was pretty cool after all.

Sara: Sounds like fun. I do like ice cream.

Christi: Yes! Tonight? I can come pick you up.

Sara looked at Casey and AJ snuggled on the couch.

Sara: Yeah, I'll go get ready. See you soon. PS, just us girls. Don't try to sneak your brother here.

Christi: Fine....

Sara stood up gently, her broken ribs still caused her pain. It had only been a week and Sara expected to be sore for quite a while longer.

Christi arrived a few minutes later, sans Kai. Sara took a deep breath before heading out to Kai's truck that Christi had borrowed. Sara was ready for Christi's onslaught of questions, which surprisingly didn't happen.

Sara didn't talk much during their ice cream trip and instead let Christi go on and on about school and stupid stuff she did with her friends.

The only mention of Kai was how miserable he's been since everything with Chelsea and Kyle. That was why she decided to come out, keep him company. Well, that was until Christi dropped Sara off.

"Will you talk to him? Soon?"

Not wanting to disappoint Christi she responded with, "Yes, I just need a few more days to process." She gave Christi a small smile and Christi nodded in return.

"Well, if things don't work out, I would still like to have you as a friend. I think I need one sane person to rely on."

Sara laughed, which hurt, but it felt good to finally feel something other than the painful abyss she's been stuck in. Maybe there was a light at the end of this tunnel.