Double Black

___ the fuck?

1. what the fuck

Something weird was happening.

Maybe it was a rare astronomical event today, such as all the sixty-something moons of Jupiter lining up together? Or something like Venus being in Aries, or something horoscope-y like that? Were those even actually a thing?

Chuuya has heard about it before, but he was still a little sceptical. For example, how can a bunch of planets being at a particular position in the extension of space decide the compatibility of two people? Do these lunar events influence the thoughts and actions of people too? How do they work? What's the science behind it? 

Wait. That's not the point.

The point was, something utterly unusual was beginning to happen, and Chuuya wasn't sure who or what to blame it upon. 

For one, the circumstances were a little weird. The setting, to be more relevant. Chuuya had somehow ended up finding his way to the rooftop of his school building. So that's where he was right now, his back leaning against the railings. Across from him stood the shitty bandaged bastard. Well, 'stood' was a strong word. The asshole was slouching against the outer wall of the storage room.

And that was fine. That was normal. What was weird was the bullshit that Dazai had suddenly decided to sprout!! Chuuya swore on his collection of hats that ninety-nine percent of whatever Dazai spoke was complete and absolute bullshit. The remaining one percent was a tie between something that made bare minimum sense, and something that was even more stupid than his usual bullshit.

What Dazai was so casually uttering now? Yeah, Chuuya couldn't decide which of the 'remining one percent' topics it was. 

But really, Chuuya was just overreacting anyway. What Dazai said was definitely not too difficult to comprehend, even for the stupidest of chibis. It was all just so simple, and spoken in normal words, wasn't it?! Speaking of which, Dazai was still going on about that.

His stance leisurely, he continued, "Right so, as I was saying before Chuuya so rudely interrupted me with that horrified gasp. I like you... Romantically. For your personality. I know, I was so surprised too! And I'd like you to go out with me if that's possible. And maybe get to kiss you? Also, you're never going to grow any taller!"

That was, of course, what pulled Chuuya back into reality. Ah, so this was normal after all. The notion of Dazai going through one sentence without insulting his height? Now that would truly be due to some weird celestial intervention. So that must mean that this confession (?) was real. Right...?

Chuuya scoffed immediately, kicking the other, "Stop calling me short, asshole! I'm still growing. Also, what the fuck, man. You don't make any sense right now!"

Dodging the kick with skilled expertise, Dazai whined, "What lies! I make perfect sense, shorty. I like you. Trust me, I'm cursing my own taste in men too."

The redhead huffed, "Well if you like me as you say, what kind of stupid confession is that!!"

As expected, the other gasped dramatically, "You dare call my confession stupid? Do you have any idea how much sleep I lost over this?!"

A serious roll of eyes, "Don't blame your insomnia on such a thing, Shitty Dazai."

The bastard just smirked, "You're right. Why would I lose sleep over a brutish chibi like you anyway?"

This earned a triumphant look from the other, "Because you like me, don't you?"

Dazai gasped again, as if he'd just realised the consequences of his feelings, "Wait. You're right. Nooo, how can this be?!"