Double Black

The Dazai Swap

A/N: This work contains Bungou To Alchemist (BTA or BunAl) spoilers. No prior knowledge of BTA required. Basically, BSD Dazai and BTA Dazai swap places.

Feet restlessly clanging against the floor, a wine bottle floating above his head, his coat resting against his shoulder uncomfortably, Chuuya cursed everyone and everything under his breath as he tried to unlock the door to his penthouse.

He's had a really long day as it was. Throw in a couple missions with really, really incompetent Mafia newbies, an Executives' meeting with the boss being extra creepy towards a tiny blonde and a ruined lunch hour because someone decided to harass him by sending annoying texts every two seconds; all of it just made his day worse. The last thing he needed was to struggle just to get into his own fucking house.

Maybe he was a little tipsy after all that wine. It should not be this hard to open a fucking door. 

To his annoyance and relief, the door finally clicked open. Except, it was from the inside. This was clearly the trigger for his annoyance. Somebody opening the door for him after clearly hearing how he's been trying to open it for the last fifteen minutes? Didn't that just mean the asshole mackerel was home and ready to irritate him for just shits and giggles?

To his surprise, when the door was finally pulled back to reveal the other person, it just widened by a few inches, a redhead peeking out from behind. No really, a redhead. Not that shitty bastard Dazai with his brown hair and brown eyes and his shitty bandages. No, this person had a head full of bright red hair. Good god, it was redder than Chuuya's hair. And this person's eyes were hazel and cat-like?!

Chuuya grabbed his wine bottle before hissing at this stranger behind his door, "Who the fuck are you?!"

The other person flinched back immediately, yelping, "Ack! Um... Uh."

Chuuya regarded with him threatening eyes, "Well? Do you have a name? Who are you and why the fuck are you in my house?"

The hazel-eyed man took a deep breath before opening the door wider, "My name is Dazai Osamu. Can I ask for your name?"

Stepping into his penthouse and shutting the door behind him, Chuuya strode over to the kitchen to set down his wine bottle, "What, do you take me for an idiot or something? I know that shitty Dazai very well and you are definitely not him."

'Dazai' hastened to protest, "No, I really am Dazai! Or at least, that's my name. I'm an author, you see. Well, a reincarnated one. And I delved into a book and I was suddenly here, in this place! I think I'm stuck in a book again and I need to get back immediately. Chuuya-san will bully me endlessly if I get stuck in a book again."

Chuuya choked on air, "Chuuya-san?"

The other redhead nodded, "Um, yes? That's one of my... We aren't exactly friends. But he lives in the same place as me, so we know each other. He's a poet, you see."

The mafioso raised his eyebrows, "A poet, huh? Say, what's this Chuuya like?"

Dazai waved his hands around in explanation, "Well, he's really short! And he wears a hat everywhere. And he's blonde, and he really likes sake. He's also bored a lot and he likes to mess with me for fun."

Chuuya chuckled, "So Dazai gets bullied by Chuuya, huh? That's new."

Dazai let out a long sigh, "Not really. He's been teasing me relentlessly ever since I showed up at the Library. Anyway. Who are you?"

The hatted man tilted his head, an amused grin gracing his features, "What, you can't tell that yet? I thought you're supposed to be a genius. But then again, you're nothing like my Dazai."