Double Black

the soukoku and the puppy

A/N: For edensplained, based on the prompt "dazai gets chuuya a dog make it happen make it pop up sometimes im begging idc if it takes 2 years and chuuyas dead or something make it happen"

A/N 2.0: Header fanart made by @edensplained

Even if just self-proclaimed, wasn't Dazai really such a wonderful person?

His co-workers might be troubled by certain actions of his, and quite frequently, at that; but surely that doesn't disprove this very accurate, miraculous theory of Dazai Osamu indeed being an amazing, great person. 

Sure, his work partner Kunikida would probably never agree to that. And other colleagues such as the Agency's resident doctor Yosano-sensei, and his new mentee Atsushi-kun, would maybe begrudgingly admit to Dazai being even somewhat of a decent person. Now see, all opinions were to be respected, but all were definitely not correct.

Dazai was definitely a good person. Even if his partner in life was to disagree strongly, and even add some very heavy profanity for even daring to suggest such an absurd thing. But Chuuya was just a silly little chibi slug anyway. Considering the number of tacky hats he owned, there was no way his opinions could be correct.

After all, didn't he always say that Dazai was an absolute shitty bastard? That obviously wasn't true, ne? So it must be Chuuya himself who was wrong.

Despite such hurtful conspiracies, Dazai still woke up every day and aspired to be a good person for another day! Ah, he was such a dedicated resident of the 'bright side'. His ancestors, if any, would certainly be proud if they knew of his very serious efforts that he put towards being good and civil. 

Today, Dazai was somewhat eager to complete a specific task; one that would help him fulfil his goal of being a proper, nice person for one whole day.

Keeping that in mind, off he went to the pet store. 

To buy a dog.

Yeah. 

For Dazai Osamu to purchase a dog.

Now look, Dazai's distaste and quite frankly put, hatred, for those little monsters was very well known among co-workers and family. (There was no way he had actual friends, ne? Well maybe, Yosano-sensei was a friend. She'd surely appreciate him and not be as rude as the others.)

Right! So, his hatred towards dogs was certainly very well known. Even if he personally had a human named Chuuya who just so happened to be his dog for life. Chuuya might be his dog, but at least he wasn't a real monstrous animal! No, unlike those shitty, barking mutts, Chuuya was definitely much softer and cuter and he was definitely too precious to be called a mutt. Even if he wore really tacky hats, and was just a chibi slug.

The point was, Chuuya was just indeed a chibi slug. Which is why, he couldn't help his very poor tastes in all things on earth. Really, that hatrack had a history of poor tastes in everything. For example, wine. Who even genuinely likes wine out of prissy black-tie occasions? Wasn't sake just much better?

And Dazai couldn't even bring himself to comment on the hats anymore. Being stuck with those ugly, awful hats for seven long years; that was surely the way to drive a man insane. As for that chibi's tastes in men, those were the only good tastes he had. Which, Dazai was sure, was an acquired taste.

After all, the genius detective didn't annoy his former work partner for seven years for the latter to acquire bad tastes in men and go out with somebody else. No, the only option was for him to develop a condition which caused him to be very lonely when he wasn't with certain mackerel bastards.