Home to you

Chapter 25

I was seated in a tight airplane row right next to Connor. He had his eyes closed and his breath was steady. I sighted and looked out of the window. The last day in Johannesburg we visited my Nan and she seemed weaker then the last time I saw her. Sure she was old but to me she never seamed weak or sick. I tried to free my troat from the lump that I was feeling there but failed misrably. I felt the need to cry and rubbed my eyes to stop them from crying before I even started to.
Connor opened his eyes and stares at me. He leans closer "everything alright?" He asks softly. I shake my head. He starts to rub my knee "it's gonna be okay Tro." He said sweetly and I smiled weakly. It wasn't. But I wouldn't tell him that. And him pitying me or trying to support me didn't help either. I looked out of the window again. Trying to imagine everything was fine and that I would have some great days with my friends and YouTube family in New York.

As quickly as I got my suitcase in the New York airport, I opend it and searched for my beanie, scarf and coat to wear them. It was freezing cold. It was stressful to pack everything I needed for my stay in Africa and the USA in one suitcase. When I finally found everything I searched for, I quickly put them on and cuddle into my scarf. I search for my phone and hand it to Connor so he could take a picture of me. He laughs and shoots one without a command. It's so relaxing to know him this well. Even before we were a couple we sometimes seemed to communicate without words. It's always been this special thing between us. I stare at the screen of my phone. It's a picture taken with a terrible iPhone camera but it's one of the most beautiful pictures of me. I smile at him "thanks" I mumble to him. My mom catches up to us and she is leading us to the taxis. Of cause there are fans at the airport. It's playlist so the probability to meet a youtuber was very high. Connor winks at me and I giggle. I know that he is thinking about the last airport incident in Johannesburg were the fans ruined our reunion. But this time it's okay because we are already together.

The next hours passed in a blur. We arrived in the hotel. Tyler greeted us, told us to get ready and as fast as this we were at the welcome party of playlist. Everybody was there. Almost. We drank, we danced, we sang. I sometime feel like one of the rich and fortuned kids who have partners who spoil there party excesses. Espacially after a trip to Africa I always feel sick to my stomach when I enjoy party's and expensive goods. Some time while partying I lost Connor but as fast as I feel a hand on my shoulder I know it's him. We stand at the bar and Connor needs to lean very close so I can hear him. "I think I never felt more uncomftable at a party." He nood in the direction of everybody partying. "You know after thirst project..." He says slowly. I nod. "I know what you mean." I say. From a far I see Tyler stumble I our direction. I make a little more space between Connor and me and start to giggle at Tyler's drunken gaze. "If you two could be a little more obvious I think nobody has noticed that you two are fucking with each other." Tyler says drunken sarcastically. "Tylahhh..." I wine while dan and Phil who were standing right next to us appruply spun around. "Huupppss." Ty says giggles and runs away probably to dance agin. Dan and Phil stare at us. Con looks and me apologetic and then just turns around and runs. "I'm sorry..." I stumble to dan and Phil and run after him. Probably making a bigger scene then Tyler just staged. There are only a few places Connor could have run in that hotel so I think about all the possibilities. I stop at the hotel swimming pool. I try the door only to find that the door isn't closed. I slowly pull at the door and notice Connor with attracted knees on one of the lounger. His head resting on his knees trying to catch his breath.
His cheaks are red run from the adrenalin pumping through his veins. I slowly walk over to him and sit as far as possible away from him on that small lounger. "I'm so sorry..." I start but Connor interrupts me. "Don't be. It's not your fault. It's Tyler's." He says angrily. He lifts his head and I can see contempt in his eyes. I slowly reach out with my hand and touch his knee. "But still I'm sorry. Things like that shouldn't happen to you. And especially shouldn't be caused by Tyler who has been through this himself." His tense posture relaxes a bit. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have ran a way. I should have stick up to you and..." "Connor you didn't have to. I told you that I'm totally fine with the way things are in our little world."
Suddenly he gets up. "I want to film a coming out video and I want to upload it. I can't stand being in the closet any longer."