Reese

Chapter 16 - Should I?

Reese’s P.O.V

“I guess you know where everything is.” Mark smiled at me, as he led me into his house.

His house isn’t anything amazing. It has a small lounge with an old arm chair and a sofa floating in the middle of it, the flat screen TV is on the wall. There’s a tiny kitchen that just about holds a fridge and an oven, next to the kitchen is the dining room. It has old wooden chairs sat around an old wooden table. Upstairs there is a bathroom, Mark’s bedroom and then the spare bedroom; mine.

For now, at least.

Perrie followed me upstairs, hauling my suitcase up after her.

“I can do it myself, you know.” I grumbled as I opened my bedroom door for her.

She shook her head, “I know you can, but not at the moment. You need to relax.” She said quietly, looking a little spaced out.

Ever since the incident everyone is trying to control my life!

“No, Reese. You’re not ready yet.”

“Don’t do that! You’ll hurt yourself!”

“Just relax right now, you’ll be able to do it once you’re healed.”

“Give me the knife, Reese. You’ve hurt yourself once with it, who says you won’t do it again?”

That last one hurts like hell. It’s like I’m a small child and Mark, Perrie, Eleanor and Liam are my parents. Almost like they don’t see me as a capable adult anymore, more like someone who’s gone mad.

I haven’t gone mad, I just couldn’t cope anymore.

But they don’t know how it feels. To feel like everyone in your life hates you. My parents died two years ago, my Mother was a victim of cancer but my Father couldn’t cope with her not being with him anymore.

He sent me off to upper school one day and told me to walk to my Aunt’s house at the end of the day, that he was out on important business. I was 15, so I wasn’t stupid. I could see it in his eyes, the way they looked at me. They didn’t hold a safe, warm, protective glow anymore. They were cold and forgotten. When he looked at me he didn’t smile anymore, he’d just stare at me.

Once, he started weeping in front of my face, he said it was because I am the exact image of my mum. The long, blonde hair and big brown eyes with a crooked smile. I tried so hard to change my appearance, in fact that night I had a hair appointment booked to chop it all off.

When he dropped me off that day, I knew something was different.

He smiled at me.

It was like nothing bad had ever happened and my Mum was still in the world. But, his eyes told a different story, the smile and happiness didn’t appear in his blue orbs. They only held sorrow. Now that I think about it, the warm smile and cold eyes were an apology to me. He was saying sorry.

Sorry that he was leaving me to fend for myself in such a world.

Fend for myself while I was living with my seventy-five year old Aunt.

I don’t know how he killed himself, the police don’t even know. They guessed it was pills or some sort of poison.

So none of them know how it feels to think that all your friends hate you, even the one who was your only source of family. To convince yourself that you’re just a waste of space and that no one would really care if you just, didn’t exist anymore.

None of them will ever know. They all live amazing lives - especially the boys. Katie still has her parents and her Aunts and Uncles. She has a family, she doesn’t need me.