All That You Are (Wangxian)

Chapter 18

**Viewer discretion is advised for this chapter, for it has description of self-harm.**

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After a few weeks, Wei Ying's core was back to it's normal state as it was before he have his last one up. He had never felt so happy before. He is able to cultivate again and he was back at Lan Zhan's level. He was so thrilled he didn't know what to think.

Lan Zhan had asked Wei Ying if he wanted to go to Gusu with him to see the other Juniors, as there will be sects coming again for their bi-yearly lecture visits. Wei Ying would have a chance to see them again of course and to see Jin Ling again. He would meet with a man who he was not sure how to act around, Lan Qiren, and he would see Lan Xichen again. They did not part on the best of terms either. Wei Ying forgave him for his words as he would have done the same in his shoes.

'I deserved those words, I might even be Lan Zhan's biggest mistake," Wei Ying thought to himself.

He never let those words go. He hurt Lan Zhan in the past, it did not matter how hurt he himself was, Wei Ying did not care, he hurt the one person who had always been on his side. He agreed to go but he was nervous to go. As it was late, Wei Ying sat outside by the spring getting some fresh air. He had a dagger in his hand and rolled his left sleeve up. The twang of the cold blade against his skin was so similar to him.

"Only mistake," Wei Ying whispered with a slice across his arm.

"Lan Zhan's mistake," he whisper some more and pierced his skin with the dagger once more.

The pain felt nice. It reminded him of who he was and of who he should be, a nobody. He made one final pass of the blade across his arm, not realizing he cut almost too deep, but the pain felt good to him. He took the dagger and wiped it on his black robes before hiding it back in his boot.

"A'Ying?" Baoshan called out making Wei Ying quickly push his sleeve down and hiding his arm in his lap.

Baoshan had noticed Wei Ying was not in the cottage. Wen Ning had even informed her that he want out for a walk but warned her of his self-harming past. Hearing that she grew concerned. When he appeared in her vision, she could see the tears glistening under the moonlight. She walked over and sat beside him.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" She asked gently.

Wei Ying cried harder and shook his head. He was never one to open up so easily. He never has someone care enough to notice or ask since Wen Qing was around. Wen Ning knew of his habits but kept it to himself only until needed. If something was wrong with Wei Ying, especially if it is physical, he can feel it himself. The part on Wei Ying that was hurt, Wen Ning could feel it. When he felt the sharp pain gliding down his arm, he knew Wei Ying was in trouble, which is why he spoke to Baoshan.

"You can talk to me," she told him, "you don't have to hide anything from me."

"I want to, but I can get the words out," he said.

Baoshan placed two fingers on his forehead and they flowed red. She was gathering all the information that had happened to him since he was young in a matter of a couple minutes. It was her version of empathy. She had been given so many things about what happened and it seemed so out of order. She needed to know exactly so she can help him. Once she got to the memory that happened only moments before she walked over she gasped. She grabbed his arm carefully and pulled his sleeve up.

"A'Ying," She said concerned, "I knew you were hurting but I didn't know it was this much."

Wei Ying sobbed, "I don't know what to do, please help me," he begged.

Baoshan pulled him into a tight hug for a moment before helping him up and brought him inside, "I will, but you have to let Wangji help you too. How is he to know how you are feeling if you don't say something?"