(Die)ry.

4/20/2015

My Anxiety is ruining my life.

I got on Facebook today and all I saw were pictures of prom dresses & pictures from everyone's Cap & Gown orders coming in. It just hurts me so fucking much that I can't be apart of that.

I won't go to prom this Saturday with the rest of the Seniors. I won't get up at the crack of dawn & start getting my hair & make-up done. I won't be dressing up in a pretty dress & shiny shoes. I won't be going out with a date to a nice restaurant or to get pictures made. I won't be dancing from 7 to midnight with the rest of the Senior class, people who I have known my whole life, or going out to some party afterwards. I won't be going to Prom 2015 because of my Anxiety.

I won't be walking across stage with my classmates in May. I won't be preparing the Friday before with everyone, giggling & gossiping about all the parties after graduation. I won't be sitting in the middle of the gym with 100 other kids like me, wearing matching blue gowns. I won't decorate a cap with a funny or inspiring slogan. I won't be graduating from high school because of my Anxiety.

I am probably going to be stuck at home crying my eyes out for hours just because I can't be mentally healthy like everybody else. I wish I could be happy. I wish I could be like other teenagers out there. I wish I could stop crying. I wish I could smile more genuinely. I wish I could conquer this Anxiety & just be me.

I want to be the me I really am.

I want, but I can't have.