(Die)ry.

5/16/2015

8:37am:
Have you ever just felt the need to get up bake something? Or maybe cook something crazy that nobody would expect to see being cooked in your kitchen? I know tho sounds insane, but I really don't care. I had a really weird dream last night and now all I wanna do is cook or bake something. I don't know if it will make me feel better or not, but it helps that I'm hungry. haha!

Yeah, I know. It's not even funny.

But that's the beauty of today. I am practicing the art of "Not Giving A Fuck About What Anyone Else Thinks". If I wanna bake a fucking bomb ass cake then I'm gonna bake a fucking bomb ass cake! Ya feel me? I mean, why the hell shouldn't I?

8:43am:
There is no cake mix. Fml.

6:57pm:
I have been spending this whole day screaming & watching others scream. I haven't seen a dry eye yet. How can somebody be so careless or unloving? How can somebody who has two children, who once looked at them like it was their first time seeing the moon, give all of themselves to a pill?

People say that when you're born, the closest to God you feel is when you're with your mother. There's a bond that is in your heart & brain that causes you to look at your mother as a form of a God or a type of Christ figure. Who would give that up for a man made mineral that breaks you into a nothing?

Why give up being a God for being a nothing?

I want to be something for my children. I don't need to try to be a God or Christ like figure. I just need to be a good mom.