(Die)ry.

6/30/2015

I honestly don't know if I explained my last chapter thoroughly enough. I can try again. Maybe I'm doing this more for myself than my readers though, because I don't want people to assume that I'm "begging for attention" and I just want to see if there is anyone else who feels the same or at least relates to what I'm saying at all. So, here it goes. Ill break it down for you.

Say Jack is married to Sarah. Jack & Sarah love each other & believe that they will always be together & that they are each other's one true love. Jack's real true love, his person, was actually a girl named Hannah. Hannah took her own life. For whatever reason(s) she decided to become something else or go somewhere else, but either way, she did it. Now Hannah is gone. Jack has fallen in love with Sarah without even knowing of Hannah. And that's okay.

To me, God has always been one to test people. He tests people's faith. He sees who keeps faith in him & who ventures away. You don't have to agree with me, but those are my thoughts.

Say Jack suddenly dies, in whatever situation, it happens. I think God took Jack away because he wasn't with Hannah, who was designed for him, who was his person. He let's Jack be with Sarah for as long as he decides to for his testing period. They need each other for their time here on Earth. He knows that Sarah has a person. And that person is Ben, & even though they don't know it yet, they are for each other.

Eventually Sarah will become just strong enough to move on & she'll find Ben. Or maybe she won't be strong enough. Maybe she'll make a choice to leave too or maybe Ben will before he can even find her.

I'm not saying they'll do it for love or lack of love. Everybody has their reasons for their choices. Everybody is different and makes different choices. I'm just saying that when they make these choices, it does have an after effect. Like how an Earthquake has an after-shock. Their choices will leave behind after-shocks. Whatever they leave behind will have to figure the next move.

That doesn't mean that Jack & Sarah weren't in love with each other. It just means that they were only here for each other until it was their time to be with their one true love. If Sarah decides to stay, then she'll find Ben or Ben will find her. That's if Ben decides to stay too. Hannah is where she chose to be. And Jack is with her now. Jack & Hannah are where they are supposed to be....with each other. And maybe Sarah & Ben will get to be together too.

Whether it's in life or death, you will get to be with your soulmate eventually. You'll spend the rest of your life with them. It can be in life or in the afterlife, but you will get to have them. You will have each other. Forever.

So, you're either going to have your person until it's your time to go or your going to have somebody else until you find your person. I know that maybe it's all really really morbid to think about and extremely intense, but I'm sharing with you what is in my head & my heart. This is what I think & what I feel. This is probably a lot to think & feel too. Honestly, though, this isn't even a fraction of everything inside of me. I have so much more to me than this. That's all for another time though.

So, basically, to put into further detail of what I mean; I believe that my person is gone. I believe that I'll be with them one day eventually, just like Jack & Hannah, but until then I am just waiting to be taken to them.

Maybe they aren't gone yet. Maybe they are going to be soon and those are the feelings that I'm feeling. Or maybe they are gone now and it's all just a waiting game.

To me, I already have my beliefs on the matter. I can't be persuaded any differently either. I will just have to wait and see what happens.

It's all rather a bit sad really.

Just waiting.

Waiting to die to be with your one true love. Your soulmate.

I won't make it out to be like that though. While I'm here I'm gonna try my best to live life. I'm gonna be everything I can be for myself. I'm still human & so far I'm still here, so that's gotta mean something.