(Die)ry.

6/23/2015

Crazy.
Useless.
Worthless.
Lazy.
Whore.
Stupid.
Boring.
Mental.
Pathetic.
Waste of time & space.
Someone to put up with.
Burden.

Is that all I really am to the two of you? Is that really all you see when you look at me? Do you find yourselves wishing I was gone that badly?

You're supposed to be the two people who care for me the most in this world. You're supposed to love me, support me, and believe in me. Why don't you? What have I done to cause you both to wish me away so much?

It feels like there is no escaping from it. I can't make myself happy because you two are always unhappy with me as well.

Is it my hair? My face? My personality? My hobbies? Is it how I act when I am alone? Is it the way I sing too loudly or the way I am never giving the right answer? What about me disgusts you so badly? What have I done?

Is it because I'm "mental"? Because I have things wrong with my emotions? Am I too sad for you to deal with? Am I too Anxious to put up with? Can you not handle me at my worst?

Do you honestly believe that this is my worst?

If you think that, then you are so wrong. I can be so much worse than this. I know it. I can feel it. I see myself sinking lower & lower and none of you care.

I can prove to you that this can get worse. I can also prove to myself that this can get better.

What about you though? Will you ever help me? Will you always be hurting me? Will I have to do this alone forever?

Why am I the way I am?

Why am I not good enough for you?

What have I done to deserve this punishment you call my life?

Why haven't I just ended it yet?