Vontae P.O.V
White. That's all I saw. Every time I blinked, more color seemed to creep in. Damn. What the fuck? Was I in the hospital.
"V-Vontae?," I heard Marco call me.
"I'm in the hospital huh?," I asked with a hoarse voice. I hated hospitals so much. Nothing but bad here.
"Yes what happened?," he asked me grabbing my hand which I quickly snatched away once I heard the door to my room open. I heard him sigh. Sorry Marco.
"Son what happened to you?," My dad asked. What? He didn't know?
"Well your dumb ass brothers and nephews decided, even after I told them I wasn't, that I was gay, so they decided to beat it out of me I guess. We were all just talking about some shit that was seen, I tried to explain myself, but then they decided that I needed to be reminded of what happens to men in our family that are gay or whatever? Said it was gonna toughen me up to not even think about another nigga," I spoke to my father. I hated this family.
"When?," He asked me with a confused face.
"Last night man. I swear I hate this family so much. I have been telling y'all, I'm not gay. I don't like men. I never will like men. I will never be with a man. Why can't y'all just leave me be," I ranted getting upset. I looked over to see Marco sitting there shaking his leg, with his arms crossed and one hand on his chin.
"Who is this?," My father spoke looking at Marco.
"I'm just a friend. No one important," He said with out looking at anyone.
"His name is Marco. He's just going through a lot right now," I mumbled out looking away from him.
"Hm...ok. Are you ok though son? In any pain?," He asked me now sitting in a chair next to my bed.
"No pain. The meds they have me on are strong. Nothing is broken. Just some bruised ribs, busted lip, shit like that. I didn't go down without a fight," I said to him looking over at Marco again.
"Well son I just want you to know that his has nothing to do with me at all. I had no idea this was gonna happen," My father spoke with raised hands.
"It's whatever man. Just keep the rest of your family away from me. I will kill them bitch ass niggas," I threatened looking my father dead in his eyes letting him know I wasn't playing around.
"I'll be be back son. I'm gonna go see what the fuck they were thinking about putting their hands on my son," He said standing up and walking out of the room.
"Marco...you ok," I asked him.
"You are in the fucking hospital. You think I'm ok? I'm just yo unimportant ass friend. You think I'm ok? I can't even hold your hand for five seconds. You think I'm ok? You just got fucking jumped by some hoe ass homophobic ass niggas. You think I'm ok? Don't ask me stupid questions," He said calmly to me, now looking me dead in my eyes.
"I heard someone coming in. That's why I moved my hand away. You see why I can't come out. I mean look at where I am," I responded. Like hello. I told them I wasn't and they still did it.
"If I was there," He started before I interrupted him.
"Yea but you weren't,"
"That's because you won't fucking let me be there. You won't let me nigga. YOU. You telling me that you're never gonna come out?," He asked me turning red.
"No. I will never come out. Never. I can't have people thinking I'm in love with another man. It's not right Marco. It's embarrassing," I said to him. I just couldn't do it.
"So you're embarrassed to be with me now? If it's not right then why are you with me?," He asked me in a now soft tone.
"Yes nigga I am. I'm supposed to be with a women. But for whatever reason here I am with you. I mean I'm not gone lie, you do make me happy and shit but it's still not right," I finished up looking at him.
"So then why don't you just go be with a woman then? So now you don't have to lie to your lie to your family. You don't have to be embarrassed or none of that shit," Marco spoke standing up like he was about to leave out. I grabbed his arm.
"That's not what I want," I said lowly.
"Then what the fuck do you want? You're confusing me my nigga. How can you be embarrassed by me but want me?," He yelled at me snatching away from me.
"I don't wanna break up, I'm just confused Marco," I said quietly looking at him feeling like I was about to cry. Marco only looked at me before sitting back down in his chair.
"Ok," Was all he said before the room just got completely silent. I'm sorry Marco.
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It was the middle of the night and Marco was sleep in a chair, with a blanket covering him. I looked to my other side and I saw my brother. He was awake.
"I just want you to know that I'm sorry I wasn't there. I would never let no niggas jump my little brother. Don't worry tho, one by one I'm popping up on each of them. They gone get there's. Got me fucked up," My brother said angrily.
"It's cool man. I know if you were there it would have been different," I responded. I knew it would have been way different. I probably wouldn't be in the hospital. Only reason I'm here is because he brought me here. I would have never came to the hospital at all.
"How is Marco?," He asked me calming down a bit.
"I mean, he was getting better, but I think I made him feel worst after today. Don't ask how, I just said some shit I probably shouldn't have," I explained to him looking over at Marco to see if he was awake.
"Well he's still here so...," He said. I mean I guess. Why didn't he leave? I know I would have if I were him. I just told him I was embarrassed to be with him. I wasn't really embarrassed to be with him more like...I don't know man. This is all just confusing. "He seems like he really cares about you,"
"Yea he does. I care about him too, he's a good...friend. Im just...I'm just going through something," I said to him. It seemed like I was always fucking up. Could I really come out tho? Dealing with all of the looks, how I'm gonna be treated, people talking shit. I already had anger problems, one wrong thing said to me and I'm tryna fight. How could I live like that? Was he worth it tho? I mean he was probably the best thing that happened to me. I loved...being with him. He was funny, sweet, fine as fuck, nice body, caring, and he was just...there. He was always there. Whether he was calling or texting, whether I had an attitude or not, he was there. Always there.
I mean I know he would stay with me even if I didn't come out, but was I willing to let him suffer being with me like that. He wanted to let everyone know we were together. Could I really do that for him one day? I looked over at him sleeping with a slight scowl on his face. Maybe I actually was a terrible boyfriend.
