Marco P.O.V
I was in the hospital with everyone else now. I was called to come and confirm the body, even tho his dude had seen him. I was his only kin left. The walk down to the room where he lay was torture. Every step, every button, everything about this walk was torture. I hated it. I had finally managed to cry silently so I wouldn't bother any one. I also knew I wouldn't be able to get that same comfort I did at home since we were now in public.
I wish Montae would have just talked to me. He was so mad at me. My brother just died hating me. Hating me. I was alone now. My biggest fucking fear. Losing everyone I loved. My family. I lost my parents and now my brother. This had to be the worst year of my life.
Apparently, my brother had got into it with some guys over some bullshit and with my brother having all that anger for me, he went off on them, only to be shot by one of the guys he was arguing with when he started to beat another guys ass.
My brothers life because one nigga couldn't fight? Because he was so mad at me it caused his anger to just stick? Because we had just lost our mother? He was really gone. Once we made it to the room, one of the people went over to him and lifted the sheet.
This is some shit I never wanted to see in a million years. My brother dead in front of me. It was him. He had more than one shot in him. He died for no reason. We didn't even make up like we normally did. How was I supposed to live without my brother?
I wasn't.
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"Are you ok?," I heard Sabias ask me as we all sat in the living room of Vontae's house. I shook my head no looking over at Vontae who was sitting on a different couch. Why couldn't he just love me? I started to cry. My emotions were all over the place. I was really sitting here balling because he wasn't sitting next to me. At least it was silent cry and not a sob.
Sabias got up and walked over to me rubbing my back.
"Everything is gonna be ok. I know how bad you're hurting, he was like my brother too, but just know we are here for you ok? If you need to talk,cry, anything, we're here. Have you eaten?," He said to me while now hugging me. That's all Vontae had to do. He would never do it. He doesn't even love me. I wonder if I asked him would he.
"We're gonna go cook something ok?," He said getting up and grabbing Juan's hand.
"Vontae...c-can you hold me?," I asked him once they left the room. Please say yes. Please say yes.
"Wh-what if they come back?," He asked me not moving from his spot.
"Can you just say fuck everyone else for one goddamn day?! Like fuck I need you and you too busy worrying about what niggas think. News flash, no one gives a fuck JaVontae. No one. They are together, you think they gone care? Sick of this shit man," I said standing up to leave.
"Where you going y'all good?," Juan asked me walking back in the living room. He probably heard the yelling.
"I'm going home, I don't want to be around anyone right now. I just want to be alone," I spoke walking out the house. Fuck everyone.
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I hated living. I hated my life. I just felt so empty and worthless. I was numb. I had no one. I was tired.
I was so ready to just go to sleep. Permanently. No one would care. Vontae doesn't love me, so he wouldn't care. He barely wanted to be with me. Sabias would get over it. He had someone to keep him occupied. I didn't have anyone else. They were all dead. All of them. It's ok tho because I would be with them soon. I wasn't gonna write some cliché letter, send out a message, or make some tapes. I was just gonna do it. That way no one could stop me. Should I tell Vontae I love him one last time? Nah he wouldn't care anyway. He'd probably ignore me again.
