Maid For Marriage

15

I waited the whole day and nothing. I didn't hear anything from Senzo. I tried calling and texting but I didn't get a response. My aunt came home and she sat with me the whole night.

"Princess, the sun is coming up. Don't you want to go sleep just for a little bit. I'll wake you if your phone rings." I shook my head and went to take a shower and get dressed. I went to the house and cleaned up. The painters arrived and I let them in. It was lunchtime when I heard the car.

I waited patiently for them to come in. Ma walked in and then Senzo. I looked out the door to see where Bab'Dlamini was. It was almost like I knew what happened,  but in those few seconds I convinced myself he was fine and just had to stay in the hospital.

"How's Baba? Is he staying in hospital?" I was trying everything to convince myself that the inevitable wasn't true. "Thandi." She started and cleared her throat. "Thandi, he passed away this morning. He didn't make it baby." I was hearing what she was saying but I my brain just didn't want to accept it.

"No, he was fine. He was getting better. He sat outside and he walked to see the construction. He was getting better." I was saying it trying to convince myself he was fine and he was just staying in hospital. "Ma he was fine. He walked." It was almost like I was begging. "Thandi he's gone." Senzo said and when I looked at him a tear rolled down his face.

"No. No! He was eating properly! He was drinking all his medication on time! He was fine! He is fine!" Ma stood up and tried to touch my arm. "Thandi, look at me. Look at me." I couldn't but she held my face. "He's gone baby. Both his lungs collapsed and his heart stopped working. He's gone. He's dead."
"No." My voice broke.
"Yes, he's gone."

She was so calm. As if she'd accepted it already. It felt like my chest was burning. I took a few steps back because it felt like everything was spinning. "Thandi? Do you want to sit down?" I was confused and mad. I don't know why I was angry at them but I was.

My aunt came in and saw how distraught I was. "Thandi?" Tears were running down my face. "Tell them to stop. Tell them to stop lying!" My aunt looked confused. "Nobody is lying. He's dead." I couldn't keep it in anymore. I started crying like a baby. "No!" My aunt came to hug me. I tried getting out of her grip but she wouldn't let me. "Please! No!" I didn't know who or what I was begging but I wanted them to bring him back. "Please."

Ma helped me home and I went to go lay in my bed crying. The kids didn't know what was going on. They wanted to play and I wasn't responding. They cried most of the day as if they knew what was going on too.

I laid there for a couple of days just taking a shower now and then. The showers helped me calm down.

Baba didn't talk much when he was healthy but he talked even less when he was sick. Even though he didn't speak he was still there every single day.  I knew he would be there and that he loved me.

"Thandi?" It was MaRadebe. She came to sit next to my bed. "Hi baby." She wiped a tear that fell. "He was getting better." My voice came out as a whisper. She held my hand and I held on as if my life depended on it. "Thandi your aunt tells me you've been in bed for the past couple of days." She kissed my hand. "You need to get up baby. You need to eat something. Please." I wanted to get up. I tried but I felt so heavy. She eventually had to go back home.

The next day my aunt came in and lifted my body into a sitting position. She dressed me in a tracksuit and helped me up not saying a word. We walked to the kitchen and she sat me down Infront a plate of food and forced me to eat. I tried. I tried really. I didn't know what was happening but I couldn't swallow.

"Ma." I was starting to panic. Why couldn't I swallow my food. "I can't swallow." I looked down and my hands were shaking. "Thandi you're up." It was MaRadebe. My aunt hugged me from behind. "Shh calm down. You're fine. It's fine. Shh. I'll make some soup and you'll go walk outside for a little bit just to get fresh air. You'll be fine."

It was at that moment that I decided I needed to suck it up. If MaRadebe could handle it then I could too.

I got up the next day and took a shower and sat in front of the tv. I needed to do something other than lie in bed. "You're up?" I nodded. "Did you eat?" I just said yes. "Really? What did you eat?"
"A yoghurt?" I lied. She walked over to the bin and opened it. "Where is the container? Thandi don't lie to me." I heard the fridge open and she came back with an actual yoghurt. "Here. Eat." It took me forever but eventually I got the yoghurt done. She brought me a cup of tea and the kids woke up.

"Ma's family has arrived so she can't come check on you but I told her you were up and that seemed to lighten her mood. She says you can go next door whenever you're ready." I just nodded. "Senzo keeps texting and calling your phone." I didn't feel like answering. I almost felt guilty that I was taking Bab'Dlamini's death so hard. Senzo was his son. He should be the one mourning and I should be comforting him. I had somehow convinced myself that I had no right to feel the way I felt.

"Okay. Do you need anything?" She took my hand. I could tell she wanted to help me but there was nothing she could do. "I think I'm going to go back to bed." My voice was hoarse. I slept most of the day.

"Thandi. Thandi wake up. Senzo is here." I didn't want to but she forced me. "Hi." He seemed relieved. "Hi. I asked your aunt if I could take you out." I didn't know what to say. "Let's go." Why was he so excited. His dad just died.

"Thandi, go put on some shoes. I laid out a tracksuit on your bed." I went into my room and saw a black tracksuit and sneakers on my bed. I put on the pants and croptop hoody and I guess I was taking long because Senzo came in and helped me with  my shoes and we were off.

We drove in silence. At some point he took my hand in his. We stopped at a restaurant and I didn't even realize how long we were driving because we were at the beach. The lady asked us where we wanted to sit and we opted to sit outside with a view of the ocean.

"I'm sorry I haven't come to check on you earlier. I need to finalize funeral arrangements." I cleared my throat. "It's fine. I understand." I didn't want to eat but he ordered food for me anyway.

"I wasn't really close to my father. If I'm being honest I'm not close to my mother either. I went to boarding school as a kid and then straight into university and from university straight into a job. I'm glad they could have you as their child. This might be weird coming from me but I'm sorry for your loss." I held onto his hand tighter.

"I'm sorry." I said wiping the tear that fell. "Don't be. Ma wants you to come visit." I sighed. "I don't want to be around a bunch of people. I know I'm supposed to be in work and I didn't say anything about taking leave so you don't need to pay me for the days I'm missing."

"Thandi don't worry about that."
"Is ma taking her medication?"
He cleared his throat awkwardly.
"I'm not sure. I haven't been home." I just nodded. We were alone in the restaurant but I didn't even want to be in the presence of the waitresses.

"Can we go? Maybe we can just sit in the car?" He agreed and made me take my food with me. He drove to where we could see the beach. "Here, drink." He gave me a takeout cup. "It's a smoothy. Just for some nutrients." I rolled my eyes but sipped on it.

"He was my dad." I felt like I needed to explain myself. "When I younger I got bullied a lot and my marks in school were really bad. I walked to the shop one day and my bullies were there. Since we weren't on school premises they got to me. Luckily, Bab'Dlamini was there. He threatened to curse them if they ever even looked at me again. They ended up leaving me alone. I was scared too but my aunt had to work afternoons at the time and asked MaRadebe to look after me in the afternoon.
Your dad helped me with my schoolwork and I was scared he would curse me too so I made sure I was doing well."

Both of us chuckled. "I got better in school and my bullies stayed away from me. They looked after me as if I was their own and when they couldn't anymore I started looking after them. I thought I was doing a good job. He was taking his medication and eating right. It seemed like he was getting better. What did I do wrong?" I couldn't keep it in anymore. My tears fell freely.

"You did nothing wrong. In fact, you did everything right. He was old and very sick. Ma asked the doctors, and they said it happened. Sometimes, just before someone passes away, they get a sudden burst of energy, and it seems like they're getting better. This wasn't your fault. You did and are still doing an amazing job."

We sat there for a little while longer, and then he took me home.