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What was supposed to be a romantic evening turned into a nightmare really quickly. One minute we were in our hotel room enjoying ourselves the next I had to run to the bathroom to throw up. And it just wouldn't stop.

It carried on the whole night and there was nothing Senzo and I could do. The sun was coming up and I was still laying over a toilet. I was so weak I couldn't move. "Mamakhe I think we should get you to a hospital. This is not normal." I just hummed in response. He dressed me and drove to the nearest hospital. I was sitting with an ice bucket from the hotel in my lap but I was throwing up air at this point.

"I texted your aunt. She'll meet us there." I couldn't even nod. We were admitted to the private wing and I went through the usual tests hardly being able to speak. My aunt rushed in. She took one look at the needles in my arm and thought I was dying. The nurse explained to her what was going on and that I couldn't keep anything down and needed an IV.

I wasn't throwing up but the nausea was killing me. The doctor finally came back with the test results. "I'll start with the good news. Congratulations Mr and Mrs Dlamini, you're pregnant." I heard gasped and shouts of joy. "Mamakhe did you hear? We're going to have a baby." I was too weak to respond so I squeezed his hand. I couldn't even be excited. I just wanted this feeling to go away.

"Wait, Doctor. Why is she this sick? I've been pregnant before. This is not normal." My aunt asked. "You're correct. Mrs Dlamini is suffering from a condition called hyperemesis gravidarum. It's a severe form of morning sickness." He listed all the symptoms and I was feeling all of them.

The next morning I was feeling slightly better but the constant nausea was still there. We met with a ob/gyn. It felt like it took forever. All the questions and repeating of tests done the day before. I was exhausted and irritated and I needed to pee.

Eventually we were done and I found out I was six weeks into my pregnancy. Because of the severe morning sickness I was high risk and would have frequent doctors visits and strict diet. My diet would consistent of many small tasteless meals. I wasn't complaining. Even the thought of food made me throw up.

I was laying in bed eating dry crackers. It was the only thing that didn't make me want to spill my guts. "You haven't said anything." Senzo said. He looked a bit worried. "About what?" My voice was hoarse. "The baby. Are you happy about it?" I smiled nodding. "Yes, extremely happy. I just feel like crap. What did I say when we spoke about children?"

"You said you're looking forward to it and that you want lots of babies." He said and his worried expression finally turned into a smile. "I must admit that I'm scared. The baby is making you sick." I shook my head. "Don't think like that. By my second trimester I'll be fine." I stayed in hospital for one more night and then went home.

"Should we go inside?" He asked breaking our comfortable silence. We were sitting in the car next to the house. "I'm sure everyone is wondering why we're still out here. Let's go." I reached for my door but he stopped me. "I'll get it." He came over to my side and opened the door for me. That's when I noticed it. I was wearing pants.

"I can't go in there?" He looked confused. "Mamakhe is something wrong?" He didn't even notice. "Baba I can't walk into a house full of elders wearing pants and no head covering I might as well be naked." He sighed. "I didn't think when I was packing. I just wanted you to be comfortable. I'll go get something."

He went into the house and came back out with MaCele. She brought me a pinafore and a doek for my head. I threw it on and went inside. Everyone was there. My elders and his family elders. I looked terrible in front of everyone. Even though my relationship with Senzo's wives wasn't that bad I didn't need them to see me at my lowest.

I went to sit on the floor but MaKhumalo gave me a chair. As soon as Gogo started speaking I had to run to the toilet to vomit. I didn't even know what she said. Once I started it wouldn't stop. Senzo was by my side rubbing my back and holding my hair. They started cooking and it just got worse. I couldn't exactly ask them to stop so I just had to deal with the torture.

My aunt eventually couldn't take it anymore and start banging on the bathroom door as if she was going to break it. "Open this door! I want to see my child!" Senzo opened the door and she rushed in. "Oh my God. We need to take her back to the hospital. This isn't normal." I grabbed her arm. "I'm fine Ma. I'm going to have to get used to it." I managed to say.

It was safe to say the rest of the ceremonies was cancelled and little by little people started leaving. For some reason the wives stayed behind. MaKhumalo wasn't here to control them so it felt like they were sent straight from hell to torture me. If they were trying to constantly feed me ginger and water acting like it was the solution to all my problems they were telling me to get off the floor, take a walk, and be grateful that I was even getting the chance to become a mother.

They just couldn't understand how morning sickness could make me this sick and that I must be doing something wrong. I almost strangled MaGumede when she said that. On top of them constantly nagging me they're babies were no help to my constant headaches.

My mornings consisted of me getting up and vomiting. After that I took a shower making sure no water got into my mouth. Yes, water made me vomit too. I was so thirsty my lips were starting to crack. I was off of my pain medication for my back. The only relief I had was a cold shower. I also couldn't keep down any of the medication for the pregnancy but I kept quiet about. Senzo was in a constant state of panic and I didn't want to add to it.

I was laying on the toilet floor shivering. It was the start of December so it was very hot. I shouldn't be shivering. I tried getting up but I could only get on all fours so I started crawling back to the room. It was still early so nobody was up. I got halfway through the door and passed out.

"Thandi!" I heard someone scream. They were shaking me but I could open my eyes.  "Senzo wake up damnit!" It was MaRadebe. Water was thrown in my face and I opened my eyes. "Oh thank God. Get her to the car. We need to go to the hospital." I passed out  a couple more times on the way there.

I woke up in hospital to praying and Senzo beside me crying. Once again the ran tests and checked on the baby. In two weeks of no eating I had lost weight and I was severely dehydrated. I was kept in hospital for a couple of weeks. I wasn't even complaining. At least I could sleep and nobody was constantly nagging me.

Even though I was away from home I was still miserable. This is not what I expected from pregnancy. Yes I knew it would be difficult. I saw my aunt go through it but she had many good days. She enjoyed her pregnancy. Even in the first trimester.

There were no good days for me. Nothing kept me going. Everyday was torture.

The only joy was when my doctor pointed out that my belly was starting to show. The little hump meant there was light at the tunnel. I could finally see signs of a baby. And hearing his or her heartbeat sealed the deal.
I was having a baby.
All of this would be worth it in the end.

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