Maid For Marriage

47

Everyone's mood was a little lighter by the time we got home. They were tipsy too, so they didn't notice I didn't spend the night at home. I was snuck in, and I snuck out. I texted my aunt to open the backdoor for me. She's done this before, but when I saw her angry face, I was confused.

"Was it worth it?" What was she talking about? "Don't give me that confused look. Both houses are full of elders, and this is the time you decide you want to act a fool. You have the rest of your lives Thandi. You won't embarrass me now. Not now. Please, have some self respect. If not self respect, then please just respect me."

What was she talking about? She's made sure I got home from sneaking out of Senzo's house before. What was the issue this time? I went to my room and I couldn't even fall asleep. I felt guilty not knowing what I was guilty for.

I texted Senzo goodnight and then fell asleep. "Thandi get up. Get up. We have a lot to do." I jumped in the shower and got ready for the day. I was eating cereal when my aunt walked in. "I'm about to make bacon and eggs." She said annoyed because of the bowl of cereal in front of me. "I didn't know if you'd make me any breakfast since you're mad at me for no reason."

"For no reason Thandi? No reason? You have built up such a good reputation with your in-laws and you could've ruined it with just one night. One night. Do you not realize how delicate these situations are? This period leading up to the lobola negotiations can make or break your marriage but if you want trouble from your in-laws do as you please. Just don't come running to me down the line when everything starts going wrong."

She was so calm and she's never been this serious before. There were moments growing up that she was extremely strict with me but her being this calm and gentle when I expected her to be shouting at me was scaring me. I felt like a baby. A baby who was ready to cry if she said anything else. Luckily she didn't. I was feeling very guilty so I helped my aunt and served everyone tea and did the dishes before we left.

After breakfast we left to go and get what we need need for the ceremonies. I was driving alone with my aunt. A car ride with her had never been this silent.

"I'm not being hard on you because I'm trying to be unreasonable." She said out of the blue. "You're a woman now and you're about to become a wife. A traditional Zulu wife to a polygamous man. It is going to be difficult. Ask me I know. I realize that you're in love and you don't see past that at the moment but you're going to need to grow up. Everything you do will affect our family. Your representing us and you need to remember that in every single decision you make. Every word you say, every step you take, your appearance, every interaction with your in-laws reflects on the whole family. This is not like the love stories on tv. You are bringing two families together and your behavior will make or break this union."

I didn't know what to say. I just sat there in shock. "I didn't mean to scare you my baby. I'm your mother. I will always tell you the truth. I will also always be here for you whenever you need." She was getting emotional and so was I so she pulled over. "I'm sorry." She said when her tears started falling. "Ma!" I couldn't help it. I reached over and hugged her.

"Ma what's wrong?" She held me tighter. "I know you'll always be my baby girl but it feels like I'm loosing you. You're young Thandi. I'm scared for you. But, I know you're a strong woman and there's nothing you can't do if you set your mind to it."

We got back on the road and got to the fabric shop where the other ladies in my family were waiting. Even though some of the ceremonies were being combined into one day ma wanted me in a different outfit for each one. She was having more fun than me. We got all the different material for me and then we went to a few shops and markets because the ladies wanted to dress the same.

After a long day of shopping we drove to the suburbs. Siphosethu, my aunt's sister wife, stood waiting for us on her porch. We greeted her and went into her house. "I'm sorry we missed your ceremony. My daughter broke her arm at a sports day at school and we had to rush her to the hospital. I heard about what happened. I'm glad all of you are okay. It's terrible that such a beautiful ceremony ended like that."

We followed her to a big room with mannequins, sewing machines, fabric and half done garments. There was a huge table in the middle of it all. "Oh my word. With everything going on I don't even think I told Thandi you made her dress. The black dress and all the beading you were wearing for your ceremony was made by Sethu." Oh wow. I didn't even know. I complimented her and we got to work.

"Okay we have a lot of work to do. Let's see what you brought me." Ma took out all of the fabric. It was a lot. "Okay for the lobola negotiations were doing brown shweshwe print. This dress needs to be simple. What do you think about a plane A-line dress?" I agreed. I knew she wouldn't let me look ugly but I also wanted this process to go smoothly so I would agree to everything. I wanted the marriage more than I wanted the wedding.

"She'll be wearing a doek and a blanket over her shoulders. The membeso ceremony were doing the same day. For that it's the plane blue dress with all the accessories. The one you've been making." I was so out of touch with any and all plans for my own wedding and I was glad because if I were in charge of this I'd probably take months to make just one decision.

We went through all the ceremonies and chose the perfect dress for each. I was finally getting excited. The next day I had another fitting with MaKhumalo. During the umembeso ceremony a woman in the grooms family dresses the bride in a new dress to show that she is now part of their family and even though I actually had no idea what the dreddvwas going to look like, I was very excited.

Preparations for  my lobola day were in full swing. The families agreed to do everything on one day. Negotiation, payment, and celebration. I was just happy that I'd officially be Mrs Dlamini and nobody could dispute that.

The Dlamini's arrived at our gate so early that it was still dark outside. My brother was so brutal he made them wait a whole hour. They were out there introducing themselves and shouting their clan praises so long I started panicking. My brother only allowed them in once I started crying. 

The negotiations went off without a hitch after that. I was glad it happened quickly. It was time for me to go out. I was with a couple of girls. Senzo's uncle was instructed to pick out the girl he was coming to fetch for his son. My heart raced as he pointed at the girl next to me.

What the fuck? I knew we were almost covered fully in blankets but I spent more than a week on your homestead. You should know how my face looks. He had to pay a hefty fine but when he chose again he chose properly.

Lobola was finally settled and I went to prepare for my membeso. When all traditional procedures and customs were done. The exchange of gifts from the Dlamini's to my family happened. I was extatic when all went well.

I was led into our home and MaKhumalo dressed me an a tight fitting mermaid style dress. She place a traditional Zulu hat made for married woman on my head. I was adorned in beads once again. I looked beautiful in all red. I was so happy walking out to my husband and new family. It really was just one big celebration and I was having the time of my life.

I spent the night at home. The very next day we held the umbondo ceremony. Getting married in the Zulu culture was a long process.  A lot if not most of it was symbolic but it had to be done to ensure good fortune and a prosperous marriage.

For the umbondo ceremony I had a huge basket full of groceries. My maidens who were accompanying me had baskets as well and some carried some of the groceries. We left home and went next door. We waited at the gate and they let us in. This was the start of the process where I left my family to join my husband's. We had one more ceremony to complete and then all the marital rites would be done.

After all official business was complete the party began. After speeches, and dancing and partying my husband and I were off to our little getaway. I was so happy. My smile was so wide I thought my face would crack.