Maid For Marriage

76

My mother convinced Senzo to come see me. He walked in with his head bowed in shame. "Mamakhe, I'm sorry I didn't come visit you. I thought you wouldn't want to see me. I didn't want to make you sick again." I reached my hand out for him. "You didn't make me sick." My words were still a bit lazy, but I was coming along. "Nobody made me sick. It just happened."

I held his hand as he cried silently. When the sniffles stopped, I spoke. "Ma says you're drinking again." He wiped his face. "I didn't mean to start. I..." He couldn't continue. "You need to stop. I need a lot of help. Ma can't do it on her own." His eyes finally met mine. "You want my help? Are you sure?" I smiled. "I don't remember everything from my coma. A lot of it is fuzzy, but I do remember you making me a promise." He blinked a few times in shock.

"You heard me? You heard me." He held my hand tightly to his chest. "I'll do anything to get you back. Please. Just say it." I've seen him at some of his low points, but this was bad. I knew these past couple of months must've been terrible for everyone, especially him and ma. "Stop drinking. I need you to stop. I'll be coming home soon. I want to stay in my apartment but to do that I'll need you. You can't be drinking. Please stop drinking." He agreed to stop drinking, and I agreed to a video call with the wives.

They were crazy. I guess Senzo kept it a surprise because they all screamed when I appeared on the screen. "They told us you were awake, but then Baba told us to go home, so I didn't believe it." MaMlambo said.  "I'm awake. I've been awake for four weeks now, but I'm still recovering." MaKhumalo was crying. "Can you have visitors?" MaCele asked. "Yes, I'm in a private room now. Everyone can come and visit."

"Wow. Look at what a month in a coma does. You didn't even want visitors in your apartment." My mom said sitting next to me, and my sisters laughed. I spent a few more minutes with them on the video call before I got tired and needed oxygen again.

"Visiting hours are over, Ma." She sighed. "I know. I know. The nurses here are tired of me. Since you're inviting people to visit you, can I bring Gogo and MaRadebe tomorrow. Your grandmother has been here for two months. She's seen you a couple of times in the ICU, but other than that, she's just been waiting." I agreed, and she was shocked. Something in me didn't want to fight it anymore.

The next day, MaRadebe and my grandmother came to visit. They brought flowers and prayed and sang, and I just let them. My grandmother said she's been cleansing my apartment and she started a herb garden for me. I don't even want to know how my apartment looks. She probably redesigned it.

The next few days more, the family started visiting. I didn't realize how tired it would make me. I was exhausted after each day. As much as I was smiling with everyone, something felt wrong. I just wasn't myself. Sometimes, I would want to say something, and I would forget even before I could say it. I felt anxious and depressed but everyone around me was so excited and happy that I was alive.

I couldn't sleep. Falling asleep was one of the most difficult things for me. When I did fall asleep, the nightmares started. I woke up screaming everytime I went to sleep.

One night when everyone left and it was just Senzo and I my fear of sleeping was at an all time high. I knew he had to leave but I held onto his hand until it turned cold. "What's wrong my love? Tell me. Maybe I can help." I was already shaking. "My mother can't know. She's needed at home and she's exhausted from being here the last two months." He nodded. "I can't sleep. I'm scared." My grip got impossibly tighter.

"I'm here. It's okay. I'm here." He held my hand, and I cried silently. That night the nightmares kept coming but everytime I woke he was there holding my hand. Sometimes he even woke me before I would scream myself awake. 

From then on Senzo spent most nights at the hospital with me. I was discharged and terrified. I even spent a few nights at the hospital after being discharged but I needed to go home. I was too scared to sit in front with Senzo in case we got into an accident and the airbags destroyed my wound from surgery and when I got in the back the seatbelt was too tight. "Thandi we have to go home. There's no other way for us to get home. I'll sit in the back with you and Senzo will drive carefully." I eventually calmed down.

I held my aunt's hand tightly on our way to my apartment. Seeing the outside world was crazy. Not much changed but it was so different to me now. "We're here. I told them I wouldn't tell you but I think it's better that you know. Everyone is upstairs waiting for you. They said they wouldn't stay long they just wanted to surprise you. They promised not to shout surprise." I chuckled. "It's okay Ma. I'm tired but I think they need this. All of you need this."

It took me an eternity to walk to the door and I still needed to get to the elevator. "Mamakhe there's no shame in using the wheelchair." Senzo tried reasoning. "I'm fine. I need the exercise anyway. The doctor said to walk and move around. This will be my exercise for today." He went with it. My lungs still sounded terrible and I was out of breath before I even got to the elevator. "Will you use the chair now?" I just nodded and he helped me in the chair.

When he opened my front door every was there waiting for me with a welcome home banner. "Surprise!" They all whispered and I laughed a little. All the wives and their children were there. Even MaKhumalo's daughters who were supposed to be in boarding school were there. To my surprise even MaMlambo's new baby was there. I didn't even know she was born.  She was only a month old and her name was Kwezi. I couldn't hold her just yet but MaMlambo sat next to me with her. She was so gorgeous.

Everyone ate and stayed only for two hours. Before they cleaned up and left. I was not complaining. I needed to sleep. Ma, Gogo, MaRadebe, and Senzo stayed behind. "Do you want to lay down?" Senzo asked and I nodded. "Chair or walking?" I opted for walking. "How about I push you in the chair and once you get to the room you can walk." I rolled my eyes but went with it anyway.

When I laid down bed I felt a pressure on my chest. Almost as if the bed was squeezing me too tight. "Up." Senzo quickly reacted. Ma was also there and she ran to me but stopped herself halfway. "The bed is too soft. I can feel it in my chest. I need to lay down somewhere harder. The couch has a compartment that pulls out to make a bed." He did as I said and my aunt helped him make the bed. It felt much better than my soft mattress on the bed. He stayed with me the whole night. Through all the nightmares. My aunt ran in when I had a really bad one and I knew the next morning I would have to explain. 

I was eating porridge the next morning after a shower and cleaning my wound when my aunt finally brought it up. "When I was doing research about what would happen when you woke up I read about this. Maybe you should start seeing someone." I sighed. "I'm okay ma. It's already getting better. I'm sure the nightmares will just go away at some point." She looked at me skeptically but she let it go.

Senzo slept for most of the morning and I let him. He was up with me the whole night. I took all of my medication and did my exercise when he came out of the shower.  "How did you sleep?" I asked when he joined me on the couch. "Like a baby. Your bed is amazing. It felt like it was hugging me." And that's exactly why I couldn't sleep there. "MaCele called and asked if the wives can come have dinner here." I thought about it but I knew I was tired. Later today I might need to sleep. I slept much better in the late afternoon than at night. "What about lunch?" I suggested. "I'll ask."

They came over for lunch and ma brought the boys as well. They couldn't understand why I couldn't hold them. They were crying, I was crying, it was a whole mess. Ma had to take them home. I wasn't okay after that. I just felt depressed. Out of everything this just got me down.

My guests left shortly after that and I took a nap. I dreamed of complete darkness. There was just nothing around me. "I want to go home. Bring me home."  I woke up gasping for air. Senzo was right there ready to do my breathing exercises with me. "Gogo! Gogo!" I cried. She ran as fast as she could which wasn't really fast. "Yes, baby."
"Ma wants to go home."
"She went home a couple of hours ago baby. It's just me and your husband here. MaKhumalo will bring MaRadebe tonight."

"No Gogo." I was still out of breath. "My mother. Your daughter wants to come home. She's alone. She needs you to fetch her." I was trying really hard not to overwhelm myself. I needed oxygen. I didn't even have to tell him, Senzo help me get the tubes on. "Thandi what are you saying?" She had tears in her eyes. "I saw her. I saw her but I forgot. She was there. She's alone ma. You need to go get her."

The look in her eyes pained me but I promised my mother. She needed to do this. My mother needed to be buried with her family. "Thandi you don't understand. There was never a funeral. We never believed him but your father said she walked away and never came back. She was presumed dead. So what do you mean by coming to get her?"

"Gogo, he killed her. I was there. He murdered her! He murdered her right in front of me!"