Adore S.M |Prequel to Devoted|

fourty-one

|Eloise|

|14th January 2017|
|5:42pm|

I remember when I was little I use to be obsessed with the snow. I loved everything about it, even how cold it was. I would spend hours outside making snowmen, snow angels and throwing countless snowballs at my older brother, Elliott, much to his dismay. My parents would practically have to drag me inside everyday so I didn't get frostbite. 

Those memories from my childhood was all I could think about as I sat here on the top floor of the library, staring endlessly out of the window as snow continued to pour from the sky and paint the pavements. I was supposed to be studying for a test I have tomorrow but my mind just kept wandering, whether it was to my family or Shawn. I missed my family a lot, as much as I hate to admit it, and Shawn too. While I know it's the better decision to have both of these people out of my life right now, it's never been easy to just ignore the emotions I still feel towards them.

Of course I still have my brother and I love him so unbelievably much, but there is still a void there within me that as much he tries to he can't fill. But as much as I miss my parents, the damage they caused between our family was too much to ever be repaired.

In the midst of my dazed stare out the view of the window, I felt my phone vibrate against the desk. Glancing down to it I had a message pop up on the screen from Heidi. 

Help me, Liam just asked me out on a date tonight.                                                                                      Like a proper date! What do I wear? - Heidi

Laughing quietly to myself I picked up my phone before typing a reply, telling her to help herself to any clothes in my wardrobe and also expressing how both excited and surprised I was. I mean, the last we spoke about it Heidi was pretty adamant the two of them would never be anything serious or substantial. Just some fun as she likes to call it.

Placing my phone back down on the desk I briefly glanced at my laptop screen, which had now locked itself because I had spent so long not doing anything, before beginning to roam my eyes aimlessly around the room. There were students sitting in study groups or individually on their laptops like me. Some looked considerably stressed out from the intense narrowing of their eyes and others seemed like they were quite relaxed as they rocked themselves back and forth on their chair. I felt like I was in the middle.

Upon wandering my eyes around the room I heard the loud noise of the heavy library door being opened and closed, the sound being abruptly loud over the quiet mutters and chattering in the room. Being my nosey self I glanced over to the direction of the door to see that familiar tall brunette walking in, instantly making butterflies swarm in my stomach like a nest. He had a dark green hoodie on and black shorts on his bottoms and all I could think about is how is he not freezing. 

His hair was kind of messy, probably swept on his way over here. He also had his gym bag pulled over his shoulder, probably from when he must have had practice before I had cheer where I saw him in the gymnasium. 

His eyes roamed the room, searching for an empty space to sit, but as he did they met mine and I could read a somewhat sad expression align across his face. Pursing his lips together Shawn briefly looked to his feet before back up at me, not having moved from his spot. 

As we remained locked in eye contact I considered whether I should invite him over to sit with me, I mean there were spaces. I wanted to be next to him, whether that was in silence or to talk but aren't I the one that told him I wanted space and that we needed time apart?

Opening my mouth to speak no words came out, instead my lips just immediately shut again. I could see Shawn's lips frown a little, his hope falling short at me asking him to come over. I could tell he was considering joining me but just as Shawn is, I could tell he didn't want to overstep any of my boundaries or make me uncomfortable. While that's one of the things I adored about him, I still just wished he would come over him. At least so we could speak about what happened earlier. So I could thank him.