Adore S.M |Prequel to Devoted|

fourty-two

|Eloise|

|14th January 2017|
|7:00pm|

Pulling my legs up to my chest I leaned on my side against the back of the passenger seat as I watched out the window to see Shawn walking out of our fast food of choice, McDonald's, holding brown bags of our food in one hand and a holder of drinks in the other.

Reaching over to the drivers door I pulled on the handle before pushing open the door so Shawn could get in. 

"It's like a blizzard out there" Shawn moaned, shaking his hair from side to side to get the snow out of his curls.

"Hopefully it'll calm down soon" I agreed, the snow now being so heavy and fast that you could barely see out the front car window.

Reaching over to Shawn, I took the bags and drinks out of his hand and placed them on my lap for warmth as Shawn climbed into the car, quickly shutting the door straight away behind him.

"Probably safer if we wait it out here until the snow stops, the roads will be so icy" Shawn explained, before taking one bag off my lap and opening it up to begin getting our food out.

"Hours alone, just us two, in a car together in the dark?" I rose my eyebrows, making Shawn begin to smirk as his eyes glanced over at me.

"You okay with that?" Shawn lightly chuckled, handing me my box of chicken as I also passed him his drink and straw.

"Maybe" I couldn't help but laugh as I lightly shrugged in response, not necessarily hating the idea of the two of us spending the next however long together.

Shawn just let out another chuckle before picking up his burger and taking a big bite. Looking away from him I settled into the comfortable silence between us as I began to tuck into my food, taking the occasional sips of my coke between each bite.

Looking out of my window I watched the heavy snow continue to fall from the pitch black sky. It just felt so peaceful. The only sounds were the hazy noises of gusts of wind outside and the quiet blowing of the heater throughout the car. With everything that has happened, in this moment I truly felt nothing but at peace. And that's how we sat the whole time we ate and finished our food, just in comfortable and peaceful silence.

"Elle?" Shawn softly called my name, bringing my eyes to his as I hummed in response.

"Can I ask you something?" Shawn asked as he placed his empty boxes of food into the bag on the floor, also sweetly taking mine from me too and putting them in the bag.

"Of course" I gently smiled, tucking my legs underneath me as I shifted my body so I was facing him.

"Do you really want this break between us?" He cautiously asked, a soft look in his eyes as he didn't look anywhere but into mine, trying to read and analyse every emotion on my face.

Letting out a small sigh I wasn't sure what to say. I knew I didn't want to be away from him and I hated avoiding him, I just felt like a break was the right thing to do. He broke my trust and betrayed me and how am I suppose to just forget about that like it doesn't hurt.

Looking down to my hands, as they layed on my lap, I soon glanced back up at Shawn to see his eyes not having once fallen from me. He looked almost as fragile as I had been in the last few weeks. 

"I don't know Shawn" I quietly mumbled, following with a deep breath leaving my lips.

"I get it" Shawn meekly nodded before looking forward, resting his hands on the wheel as he began to tap his fingers anxiously against it.

His jaw was locked and tense as he continued to only face forward. I don't think he knew what else to say. I could just see how much this was hurting him, just as much as it was hurting me.

"I just don't know how to forgive someone right now who is so easily led by another girl" I brutally confessed, the truth being that Shawn just gave in so easily to any temptations he had.

I don't want to settle for a guy who is tempted by another girl. How can you build any trust from that?

"Easily led?" Shawn scoffed, as if I had taken a hit at his ego.

Breaking his stare out the window Shawn's eyes were once again on me and this time they were narrowed at me in disbelief, as if he was pissed at what I had just said.

"Well yeah Shawn, I mean twice you kissed her and from what it seems like she made the first move both times and you didn't try to stop it. You just entertained it" I explained, making Shawn roll his eyes as I furrowed my eyebrows at me.

"Shawn, don't do that" I sighed, gritting my teeth together in annoyance.

"Don't do what? I mean you practically just said you can't trust me because apparently I've got no control" Shawn retorted, his eyes pointing at me as a tense expression settled upon his face.

"You're the one who kissed another girl Shawn. Why are you acting like my feelings, based on your actions, are wrong?" I replied, feeling my body begin to heat up as my voice got a little louder from the anger building up inside of me of how hostile he was now acting towards me.

"I'm not saying that Elle" Shawn sighed loudly in frustration, rubbing his hand along the back of neck.

"I just don't want you to think of me as some guy who only acts with his dick and just doesn't give a fuck about you"

"When you really care about someone Shawn, you'd never put yourself in a position to lose them" I explained, making Shawn tightly clench his jaw as he stared aimlessly out of the window, gripping his hand on the steering wheel.

"Shawn?" I sighed softly, trying to reach for his shoulder but he just shrugged me off.

"You think I don't care about you" Shawn whispered, more to himself, as he continued to look anywhere but me.

Feeling my face soften at the sadness in his voice, I shuffled forward in my seat so I could be closer to him. Resting my hand on the top of his shoulder Shawn eventually bought his eyes to mine, as just empty sorrow surrounded them.

"If that's how you feel Elle-" Shawn began, his voice breaking.

"Then what are we doing here? What is this?" Shawn quietly said, tears now falling from his eyes and soothing down his reddened cheeks.

Furrowing my eyebrows together, I looked at him in confusion, as I continued to rest my hand on his shoulder, soothing my thumb along the soft material of his hoodie.

"Shawn?" 

"Don't put us on a break Elle when you know you're never gonna forgive me" Shawn quietly sighed, pulling back from my hold before wiping away his tears quickly with his hands.

"I want to forgive you Shawn" I whispered.

"But you can't" Shawn interrupted, his face full of hurt and regret as his eyes dropped to his lap.

"Shawn?" I sadly sighed, feeling a lump rest itself in my throat as I began to become overwhelmed with what he was trying to say.

"I'll drive you home and then-" Shawn began before letting out a deep unsteady breath.

"We'll be done"

++++++

So here's another chapter for you all! I have just started a new full time job so I have had barely any time to write but I hope you enjoyed this one. I am very sorry to ruin the moment between Elle and Shawn.

Let me know your thoughts and don't forget to vote and comment!

<3