Ash is a fashion model, not by choice but the desire of his projecting mother. People think he's too cocky for his own good, judging him based on what he posts online. But Ash hates the brush he's been painted with, along with the stereotypes of the...
storm: (noun) 1. a violent disturbance of the atmosphere with strong winds and usually rain, thunder, lightning or snow
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Things between me and Ash have been weird today, especially after our conversation yesterday. He could barely look me in the eye and I knew exactly why, because I am a complete asshole and I push away people because I'm scared of the truth. Or of the truth coming out.
I didn't want to forget that night, of course I didn't. Calling him Cherry instead of Ash felt like an automatic response, like I'm not even thinking before I speak. I also have no clue why I stepped to him like that, proving to myself that I am indeed a massive fucking asshole. Like I actually have something to prove but what did I want to show him? That he shouldn't mess with me?
He didn't seem to give a single shit and that's what I liked, I fucking liked it far too much.
He didn't back down or flinch and I almost felt relieved he wasn't intimidated by me. It felt like he could see through my whole facade and he wasn't having any of it. But he didn't probe anymore, it was me who shut the door on the potential of a friendship.
But now I'm the only one to blame because of this embedded hatred for myself, for the way I act, for the things I do when my livelihood feels threatened.
Ash has been nothing but kind since we started probation and that only makes me feel more confused. I wish he could do something so I hate him but he's kind, almost understanding and knows how to stand up for himself.
How can I witness that and tell myself to stop thinking about him in ways I shouldn't?
I know it's dangerous, it should never happen again because it can never happen again. That's why I want to forget, even if inside it's the last thing I want to do. It's better to forget even if I don't want to, even if I want to fantasise over the feel of his body against mine.
Or the way he says things when he's balls deep inside of me. Or his rough and seductive voice makes everything inside of me clench painfully, but I had to stop thinking about it, about him.
How would I ever get him off my mind if I torture myself every time I fucking see him?
At least tonight I'd be able to have a distraction. We organised a bonfire with Elijah and Reese, Ciara and Jules and their friends would be tagging along too. All I could think about is having an ice cold beer, kicking back in a chair and spending time with my friends.
A bit of time before I have to go home for curfew. It's been a while since we've had a party on the beach, now that the sun goes down later into the evening it's perfect to start early and soak up the rays.
Especially with this heatwave, it's going to be bliss.
Even an evening away from my father, away from Ash and this stupid manor. Anything to help me refresh my mind, think about something different for once and zone out. Enjoy other people's company.
