Truth - Lashton

Chapter 23

Luke's POV

"Luke?"

I looked at my therapist, Mr. Carlson. He definitely seemed like a friend of Mr. Irwin's with how kind and carefree he is.

"Do I have your attention?"

I nodded. They let me walk from my room to his office now cause I'm "doing better with recovery" and that didn't sit right with me.

"Okay. Well, I wanna start from the beginning. Can you tell me when you first had thoughts or actions of restricting?"

I sighed and leaned back into the leather chair.

"Well.. I got teased alot when I was 12 and 13. I was fatter than the other kids and it made me a target. After school let out for the year, I decided to diet and exercise to get off the extra weight.."

I kept trying to think. It did start off healthy enough in my head.

"I really believe it started healthy. I'd have fruit for breakfast, a protein bar for lunch, workout and have dinner with like.. meat, rice or beans and other veggies.. It was healthy and seeing as I wasn't losing as much as I hoped, I cut out dinner and was more careful with my calories.. It happened quickly and I loved every second."

"Luke, based on your meals. You were only having 1 sustainable meal a day. It wasn't healthy from the get go."

I sighed and pulled my legs up to myself, curling into a ball.

"And you couldn't stop after you started restricting, correct?"

I laughed sadly and shook my head.

"No.. I always have extra weight I'd want to get off.."

I went quiet as I remembered a lesson we learned in health class.

"It's confusing though.. Mr. Irwin taught us that having body fat is essential for healthy living but why? Why would I want to carry fat on my body if it's crushing my organs?"

Mr. Carlson sighed and leaned forward to look at me.

"That doesn't happen when you're at a healthy weight, you do know that right?"

I shook my head.

"Luke, you seem to be in denial of how serious this is."

"I was.. trying to be healthy.."

"I could see that but severly restricting yourself and getting to this isn't healthy. It is the exact opposite in fact. You were severly lacking in almost every vital nutrient. Luke, I usually refrain from saying this but after talking to the doctors that work with you. If you weren't transported to the hospital that day you fainted, it would've been a high possibility of your heart going into failure."

I wanted to cry, this always hit something in me every time anyone here spoke about it.

"I know.. I just.. I keep thinking it was the eggs I ate that day.. you know, their cholesterol and fat content?"

"That wasn't it, Luke.. Your body was failing."

I simply nodded and rested my head on my knees.

"I want recovery but I don't wanna gain weight.."

"That isn't possible for your age, Luke. You need to gain weight to be healthy."

"I'll look fat and-"

I started crying, I can't even count how many times I've cried in this damn hospital.

"I'll get teased again and it's just gonna happen again! There's no use! I can't win!"

I sobbed out and wrapped my arms around my legs, crying.

"Luke, you cannot live life focused on how others perceive you. You need to learn that you are more than your body."

I shook my head rapidly and cried.

"No! I'll always just be this stupid body!"

"Luke, look at me."

I gained enough courage to look at him and he gave me a soft look.

"What about Michael? Do you think he cares about what your body looks like? Or your mum?"

I stared for a second before shaking my head.

"You need to learn this, Luke. It will be easier in your recovery."

"It's hard after being called fatass for 2 years of your life.."

"I know but that was years ago, Luke. You have to move on and live now."

I couldn't take this anymore at all. It was growing to be too much. I stood up and ran out the door, back to my room.

I curled up back in my bed and cried.

I have to move on and live now but how can I live if the thing that helped me live is being taken away?