Truth - Lashton

Chapter 35

Ashton's POV

It was Sunday, the days seem to be blending into one another now. I woke up and fainted as soon as I stood up, my bed being the only thing keeping me from harming myself.

Once I finally woke up not even 3 minutes later, I got ready for the day. My head feeling heavy, cloudy and dizzy at it's fullest extent.

I had to go to store, seeing as I was just going through a diet change.

I threw on some baggy clothes. I looked at myself in my jeans and fuck.

I looked horrible. My stomach sticks out just a bit over my jeans and I fucking hated it so much.

I felt the anger swarm my head, tears fill my eyes and I kept grabbing my fat with force and anger.

Why didn't I do this sooner?

With tears falling, I changed again into something that may hide my body better and left not checking myself.

I weighed myself again and thankfully did lose. I just needed more, alot more in fact.

I walked into the store and smiled at the clerk who waved at me.

I found myself in the diet foods and drinks section. They offered pills but I knew they wouldn't really do much.

I looked beside me and saw 2 boys, one with black hair with a dyed streak and one with dirty blond-

It was Luke and Michael.

I quickly grabbed a pack of protein bars and shakes, some random diet pills and left the aisle as fast as possible.

I wanted to cry again. Why were they here too? Why did they look so worried? I'm perfectly fine, my body just needs a change in food.

I went off and grabbed everything else I needed, bread, fruit, veggies and some sources of protein.

"Mr. Irwin?"

Luke's voice. That's Luke's voice behind me, calling for me.

I turned and looked at him, he was accompanied with Michael.

"Yes?"

He walked over, hand tightly in Michael's. He looked at my basket and looked back up at me.

"You're relapsing.."

No. No. No! He was wrong! What did he know?!

"Nonsense.."

"No.. You're throwing up your food or severely restricting! You think I wouldn't know?"

"Luke, I'm okay. I promise."

I responded coldly, starting to get fed up and left to pay for my items.

He didn't know anything at all.

"Hello, Ashton! You look like you've lost weight!"

The clerk I see regularly here spoke with a smile. I just nodded and smiled back.

This was normal. I wasn't relapsing or anything.

I paid for everything and left, it was all so painfully normal.

It was only when I got in my car that I felt the hunger pains. It felt like knives were stabbing through my stomach. I didn't really know what to do until I drove past the gas station.

I always heard cigarettes curb appetite.

It seemed fuzzy, like a memory as I walked in the gas station and went up to the clerk.

"Just the Lucky Strikes Gold 100s, please.."

My tone cold and empty, I showed my ID and paid for them. I got a lighter somewhere along the purchase and went back to my car.

My first ever pack of cigarettes and god I didn't feel good about it but the hunger pains were too much.

I lit one up and hit it, inhaling it as deep as I could.

It didn't hurt bad, it really didn't.

I took more hits and sure enough, the rumors were right. My hunger was practically gone.

This was a dangerous habit I was feeding but it was fine, as long as I looked thin again.